• Why I don’t watch much comedy anymore

    Posted by on November 9, 2010

    George Lopez has a show.  On TV.  People actually watch.  (Hispanic overkill accent)  “Hey everyone, I’m really hyper!   Lindsay Lohan joke!”  (Stop talking and bug eyed leering at the crowd as you look left and right for 10 uncomfortable seconds.)  “George cialis expensive Bush had a book come out!”  (Insert token Bush is stupid joke, then look left and right with wild bulging eyes and mug for the camera.)  Seriously, who watches this shit?  I would rather watch my dog host a show with the sound of a puppy getting its tail clipped in the background.

  • Whites only?

    Posted by on October 23, 2010

    I just did a show at the MLK Arts Center in Cbus.  When I walked in, I was behind an older black couple and we both noticed by the bathroom they had a “Whites Only” sign (for historical purposes, obviously).  She looked at the doorman and said, “Is that real?”  He explained that it was for reference to history.  Really?  Real?  At the MLK Arts Center?  She was satisfied, but then turned and looked at me with an obvious scowl.  Like where to buy cialis without prescription I walked in w/ a hood on and said, “No Africans in my bathroom at the MLK Arts Center!”  Very interesting.  I did very well at the show, by the way.  I give props to the fact I had my white bathroom.  SARCASM!  Good Lord.

  • The tour stats

    Posted by on October 13, 2010

    7 shows in 8 cheap cialis no prescription nights complete.  3 states, 7 different venues,  nearly 2000 miles.  One show had 4 people in crowd, one cancelled but they didn’t tell me until I drove 40 miles to get there (I performed anyway), one show went 5 minutes, one I did 51 minutes.  A blind guy puking woke me up one day, my alarm woke me up with less than 5 hours’ sleep 3 beautiful mornings.   I sold a whopping two shirts, three DVD’s (one for 2 Bud Selects), and got free beer and shots at 5 shows.  I did great at 5 shows, OK at one, and ate my own ass at the 4 person show.  I got screwed into paying for a room one night, I got hooked up with a free meal at two others.  I spent 25% of my pay in gas money and donated part of my sales to breast cancer to another show.  This is comedy and I love it.

  • When you assume, you make an ass out of you

    Posted by on October 10, 2010

    A gentleman approached me after the show last night and introduced himself, not by saying “Hello” or “Here’s my opinion on your act…”  No, he went the less traditional route and said “You should do more n-word jokes (he didn’t say n-word, btw).”  This of course assumed I did any n-word jokes, which although tempting  (sarcasm) I have yet to include any in my act.  You know what would improve my act?  Extreme racism.  Good thing my target demo is the Ku Klux Klan.  Oh wait, it’s not.  He then told me there were no n-words in his town.  I then “assumed” no black person would be dumb enough to move to a town where there was a drunken idiot like this carrying no prescription cialis a firearm.  Perhaps he should carry his interpersonal skills to other areas, like going to a battered women’s shelter and telling them they probably deserved it.

  • The very high brow life of Chris Coen, Esquire

    Posted by on October 2, 2010

    I went to a ballet last night.  For a chick – before you get too far in your judgement.  The dancers were very talented (I think, I dance only after blackout phase one begins), but it was a little out of my normal life.  I took notes during this cultured moment of my life and I thought I would share.  (BTW this ballet was a weird German interpretive representation of Mozart and death and stuff, lots of oddly dressed people and symbolism or some kind of shit).

    My notes:  People have shoes on their hands.  WTF.  Man on man dancing, both shirtless.  Either really German or really gay.  Now there is a stiff trenchcoat and some chick is dancing with it.  Moving on.  More man on man contact.  Ropes.  Simulated swimming.  Wall pounding.  I think they want out.  That makes two of us.  What is with the chair on the wall?  (At this point I think I dozed off for a couple minutes.)  Now there is a man with a red painted chest dancing with a suitcase.  Now it’s getting really weird – I think he’s dead.  Nope, still alive.  Now he’s dead.  His cialis 5mg price girlfriend may be dead too.  No, she’s alive, but he’s dead.  I need to start using drugs.  Couple wearing nude bodysuits are dancing.  More shoes.  Now umbrellas and the nude couple is in ropes.  Umbrella in flames.  Oh my God, it’s over.  BRAVO!  Wait…more bowing.  Five, now six.  Seven, will we get eight?  No, just seven.  Announcer:  “Anyone interested in staying to speak with the choreographer (German chick – my words) who wrote this (is retarded – again my words).”

    Well, that’s over.  I now need to bathe in the simple culture of beer and football for two days to get my man cred back.  Alright, two months.  How did Germans start World War II?  We must have really kicked their asses.  Back to cheap beer and 1980’s heavy metal for my white trash ass.

  • American idol

    Posted by on September 27, 2010

    I saw the new diverse lineup for online cialis prescription American Idol.  Randy and his metro elf closeted bi-curious buddy Ryan Seacrest and now joined by two music icons: Jennifer Lopez, who probably has an enslaved third world staff to wait on her hand and foot (she’s just Jenny from the Block – if Jenny is an evil bitch who eats rainbow souls) and Steven Tyler, who doesn’t represent white men as much as trangendered eldery Muppets.  I can’t wait!