• Another strange show

    Posted by on March 21, 2011

    I went to an open mike/showcase w/ Anthony O’Connell in Youngstown last night.  The speaker actually threw sparks, much like Goldberg or Golddust’s wrestling entrance right out of the gates.  Then the first comic sang “Old Man River” and blew something out (on the sound equipment, not from his person).  Flustered, he began to dance on a seven foot stage w/ two guys trying to salvage the speaker.  Off to a hot start!  Another comic berated the crowd for not laughing at his material.  This logic escapes me.  “Hmmm.  They seem to not care for my material.  I know how I’ll win them back – insults!”  Another comic was distracted by two women in pajamas walking in the bar to pick up wings.  It was 9 pm.  If you’re getting ready for bed, hot wings are not the correct food, so I like to think they had indeed spent the entire day in said pajamas.  Sounds like two ladies just got dumped!  Finally I got to go on and did well enough to delight the crowd with my hilljackery and public indecency jokes and may get future work out of it, which is ironic, b/c I single handedly had one of the least productive days of my life.

  • Small things about comedy you learn the hard way

    Posted by on March 20, 2011

    I went to a show last night in Massillon and they somehow found my first picture to use for the flyer.  It’s a ridiculous picture of me smoking a cigarette wearing a shirt that says “I shaved my balls for this?”  I am such a mega douche it chills my soul.  Rule #1 of comedy – don’t wear a funny t-shirt onstage.  Rule #2 – Don’t wear a funny t-shirt in your headshot.  I drank with my buddy Anthony O’Connell one night and we watched clips from our first paid shows and it was so embarrassing I deleted the clips from my computer.  I drank six beers in a 20 minute set and was so nervous my hands were shaking.  I literally have only one joke from that set I still do.  I did have a funny exchange about a spankerchief and this 14 year kid sitting with his mom covered his face in shame.  Unfortunately, the joke sucked.  Ah bombing, the staple of a new comic’s diet.

  • Shows this weekend

    Posted by on March 19, 2011

    Massillon tonight w/ Troy Hammond and Chili Chalis, Youngstown tomorrow on a showcase show w/ God only knows who, me and Anthony O’Connell.  Details on the right side of your screen.  In other news, Japan is still in bad shape and Obama picked the UConn women’s team to win his NCAA bracket.  See what you missed?  Nothing.  Come on out.

  • sensitive people stink

    Posted by on March 17, 2011

    Annoying.  If something offends you, then everything does, hippie.  I lost three FB friends bc I posted about DUI’s.  I have personal experience with this topic, yet somehow I’m a dick for bringing it up.  “I love your posts about (blank), but God forbid you talk about (blank).”  If you feel this way, you suck.  Selectivity is a sign of ignorance and intolerance.

  • St. Patrick’s Day and DUI’s

    Posted by on March 17, 2011

    I was out and about yesterday and noticed about twenty cops out, way more than normal.  Yesterday was St. Patty’s Day Eve…is there some huge spike pre-NCAA tournament/St. Patrick’s Day?  It seems to me they would be best served all sleeping in for today, the perfect storm of drinking.  It’s supposed to be 67 degrees, March Madness kicks off in full, plus every Slovak, Bangledeshi, Laotian, and fill in the blank is Irish today, which means you put on a green shirt and drink until you vomit.  In fact, the roads are going to be so littered with drunks, I wish my plan would be implemented.  If you get pulled over after 9 pm, and you’re sober, you get a ticket for driving under the influence of stupidity, unless you have a medical emergency or a couple passed out drunks in the back seat.  They should literally line the roads with sandbags like real life bumper bowling tonight.

  • New podcast!

    Posted by on March 16, 2011

    Check me out on the “Bill and Dan” show – returning after a brief hiatus.  If you like this one, another to follow soon.  http://billanddan.libsyn.com/