• The birth of the brew crew

    Posted by on February 25, 2011

    I wish I could allow comments, but am having some issues…  I met Jeff Stottsberry Sr. in 1996.  This week was the 12th year since he passed.  He was in some bad shape medically, on a respirator, but one of the funniest SOB’s I ever met.  I buddied up with his son (Jeff Jr., for the slow) and my best friend Honk.  He never slept, so he saw us in all our drunken glory trying to make up lies about some mystery DD that happened to park my 1989 Chevy Celebrity in his backyard sideways.  As we walked in, we would hear things such as “Oh look, it’s the Brew Crew.  Where’s the women?  Oh, there are none b/c you fat drunks can’t get any pussy!  Congratulations!”  The constant beratings came from one sarcastic m’fer, but he was always full of good advice.  Some dude was banging my g/f and I told him about it once.  Instead of giving me the stock father advice of “Well, she’s not worth it,” he said, “Why haven’t you beat his ass yet?”  Good call, Stotts Sr.  I’ll pound a beer with you on the other side.  To this day, me and the boys call ourselves the Brew Crew.  We can outdrink, outjoke, and outsarcasm any five sons of bitches that see the sun rise in the east.

  • I hate hippies

    Posted by on February 24, 2011

    There was a documentary on hippies tonight on the History Channel.  I like sex, drugs, and rock and roll as much as every red blooded American, but why do these hairy armpitted potheads keep insisting they changed America?  You went to a kick ass concert and ate blue acid.  Then it was over and guess what?  Vietnam went on another half a decade.  Then disco happened.  Thanks for nothing.  If you really had balls not to fight in Nam, you would have done your jail time with pride, not ran to Canada w/ your saggy-titted drum circle girlfriend and smoked pot over a lukewarm pizza telling other burnouts how much you did to change the country.  You should’ve went to Altamont and talked shit to the Hell’s Angels and done us all a favor by being rewarded with a knife wound.  Take a shower and shut up.  My dad actually ran through the jungle for a tour of duty.  Right or wrong (the war), I’ll take that, a patriot defending the principles of freedom over some old bearded douchebag telling me conspiracy theories any day.

  • SHOW CANCELLED TONIGHT

    Posted by on February 23, 2011

    Formaggio is a shit bar – cancelled a benefit show less than three hours beforehand.  Don’t patronize them unless you hate raising money for autism or OSU student groups.

  • Dumb laws

    Posted by on February 22, 2011

    I have worked in Pennsylvania five times recently.  It is amazing the difference b/w states.  First, they have no lever to automatically pump your gas.  This apparently saves fuel, but not my comfort as I freeze my ass off filling my tank.  Second, they have three ways to get beer – at a bar, at a six pack store, and at a case only distributor.  Bar = OK, six pack = really?, case only = thanks for promoting reckless drunkeness.  I went to a “distributor” that sold only four kinds of beer in cases, plus cigars…but no cigarettes.  So much for the unspilled fuel, morons, I had to drive a couple miles to get cigs.  Where is the lighter store?  Then I have to head to the peanut butter store, hope I have time to go to the bread outlet, the jelly depository, and the butter knife emporium.  Stupid state laws.

  • Random thoughts

    Posted by on February 21, 2011

    The Daytona 500 was possibly the most boring event I’ve ever witnessed.  There were 16 caution flags and some dude I’ve never heard of won.  I might as well have watched the Gus Macker Franklin county championship. 

    I did an open mike tonight and tried new material.  I found out video game humor = good, sex offender humor = bad.  If you get paid work as a comic and you do an open mike without trying new material, you are pretty much wasting your time. 

    I can’t parallel park.  I am a complete pussy in that regard.  It took me three minutes to park tonight and I was still a foot off the curb.  I feel less manly, but real men would ride a horse anyway, so who cares.

    I sold a DVD and it was corrupted.  Now I have to pay shipping to right the situation.  Thank you Steve Jobs, your DVD burner works about as well as your liver.

  • New video clips online

    Posted by on February 17, 2011

    Check out http://www.rooftopcomedy.com/comics/ChrisCoen to see me performing at Go Bananas in Cincy over the last year…plus an ’09 clip to see how new (read: not very good) I was.