I emceed the Columbus Funny Bone last night. It was rather “flat”, which means the crowd sucked. I hate when comics say the crowd sucked, but it was pretty awful. I actually was flustered and screwed up one of my jokes. I then did my set for the other comics and it went OK the last couple minutes. My best laugh was after “Big Daddy Slim” made his debut to the stage. He was a fat black guy. I grabbed the mike and said, “The first two words of his name were appropriate, the last one not at all. In that vein, my new stage name is “Angry Drunk Horsecock.” Nice. The rest of my set, not so much.
My college roommate, great friend, and the guy who got me into comedy, Justin Camp closed the show before he moves to Denver next week. I wanted to have a couple laughs after the show, but some superdouche came up and kept doing an unfunny Bush impression while we were talking. Turns out, he’s done exactly TWO open mikes ever. His words – “Jonathan Winters, other great comics – we have balls for getting up there.” We? We? You son of a bitch. In all honesty, when I started doing open mikes in ’07 and my friends said, “You’re a comic?” I said, “No, I do comedy.” This scumdick basically learned “Twinkle, twinkle, little star” on the recorder, then told everyone at the party he was a musician. Go pound sand. I dislike Bush’s profligate spending, expansion of our debt, and bailouts, but I hate your ass. At least he never interrupted me.
That said, good luck ol’ J. Billy Camplins. Funny story time – the first night we hung out as pledges to the PKT frat at Muskingum we bonded over making fun of the extreme gayness of the movie “The Outsiders.” Pony Boy? Good Lord. That name sucks. Stay golden, Camp! (To refute the gayness of that joke, Daisy Lowe is in the new Playboy. Check it out.)