• The Academy Awards

    Posted by on February 28, 2011

    I didn’t watch, I didn’t see any of the movies other than Winter’s Bone and True Grit (pre broadcast), yet I knew all of the winners except one.  I whiffed on the mom from the Fighter.  I don’t know if this means I read too much crap on the internet or they are very predictable.  I just hate the speeches.  “I’m so surprised…now here’s some rambling BS.  I was in a movie and got to shoot every scene 10 times until I got it right and got paid millions.  I’m great, thanks to my director, blah blah speech over.”  At least it’s not the Grammys, which are completely based on album sales.

  • Boxing movies

    Posted by on February 28, 2011

    I just watched the Fighter.  Christian Bale was great, the sisters were the least sexually appealing organisms I have ever seen, and it was based on a true story.  The last part means I now have to spend the next hour researching Mickey Ward and company, which is this annoying OCD thing I have.  It was a good movie, but is every single boxing movie the same?  I haven’t seen five white boxers since I was born, but every movie is about an Irish-American who overcomes the odds (except Rocky, who isn’t real).  Are there any movies about Hispanic or black fighters?  Does every white boxer not throw a punch until the eight round?  When is the Tommy Morrison movie coming out?  Does he fight HIV in the closing scene?

  • The birth of the brew crew

    Posted by on February 25, 2011

    I wish I could allow comments, but am having some issues…  I met Jeff Stottsberry Sr. in 1996.  This week was the 12th year since he passed.  He was in some bad shape medically, on a respirator, but one of the funniest SOB’s I ever met.  I buddied up with his son (Jeff Jr., for the slow) and my best friend Honk.  He never slept, so he saw us in all our drunken glory trying to make up lies about some mystery DD that happened to park my 1989 Chevy Celebrity in his backyard sideways.  As we walked in, we would hear things such as “Oh look, it’s the Brew Crew.  Where’s the women?  Oh, there are none b/c you fat drunks can’t get any pussy!  Congratulations!”  The constant beratings came from one sarcastic m’fer, but he was always full of good advice.  Some dude was banging my g/f and I told him about it once.  Instead of giving me the stock father advice of “Well, she’s not worth it,” he said, “Why haven’t you beat his ass yet?”  Good call, Stotts Sr.  I’ll pound a beer with you on the other side.  To this day, me and the boys call ourselves the Brew Crew.  We can outdrink, outjoke, and outsarcasm any five sons of bitches that see the sun rise in the east.

  • I hate hippies

    Posted by on February 24, 2011

    There was a documentary on hippies tonight on the History Channel.  I like sex, drugs, and rock and roll as much as every red blooded American, but why do these hairy armpitted potheads keep insisting they changed America?  You went to a kick ass concert and ate blue acid.  Then it was over and guess what?  Vietnam went on another half a decade.  Then disco happened.  Thanks for nothing.  If you really had balls not to fight in Nam, you would have done your jail time with pride, not ran to Canada w/ your saggy-titted drum circle girlfriend and smoked pot over a lukewarm pizza telling other burnouts how much you did to change the country.  You should’ve went to Altamont and talked shit to the Hell’s Angels and done us all a favor by being rewarded with a knife wound.  Take a shower and shut up.  My dad actually ran through the jungle for a tour of duty.  Right or wrong (the war), I’ll take that, a patriot defending the principles of freedom over some old bearded douchebag telling me conspiracy theories any day.

  • SHOW CANCELLED TONIGHT

    Posted by on February 23, 2011

    Formaggio is a shit bar – cancelled a benefit show less than three hours beforehand.  Don’t patronize them unless you hate raising money for autism or OSU student groups.

  • Dumb laws

    Posted by on February 22, 2011

    I have worked in Pennsylvania five times recently.  It is amazing the difference b/w states.  First, they have no lever to automatically pump your gas.  This apparently saves fuel, but not my comfort as I freeze my ass off filling my tank.  Second, they have three ways to get beer – at a bar, at a six pack store, and at a case only distributor.  Bar = OK, six pack = really?, case only = thanks for promoting reckless drunkeness.  I went to a “distributor” that sold only four kinds of beer in cases, plus cigars…but no cigarettes.  So much for the unspilled fuel, morons, I had to drive a couple miles to get cigs.  Where is the lighter store?  Then I have to head to the peanut butter store, hope I have time to go to the bread outlet, the jelly depository, and the butter knife emporium.  Stupid state laws.