I agreed, stupidly, to play in an alumni football game August 27th for Maysville Panthers against the John Glenn Fighting Muskies. Ironically, I played my freshman year in college fot the Muskingum Muskies (in the same town). BTW, a Muskie is a big ugly fish. My hammies are tighter than bowstrings still, our last “practice” was Sunday. One guy blew his knee out 10 minutes into our practice by jumping. No contact, just regular ol’ jumping.
I loved HS football. My wonderful parents paid my car payment for three months so I could train for my senior year. I worked out four hours a day, five days a week. I could, at 185 lbs., squat 455 lbs., bench 280 lbs., and play every snap. I was named all league and won my team’s leadership award for my efforts. Then came college…
I started pounding beers like a champ and began smoking my senior year. When I got to college, I was weaker, slower, and less motivated. I wanted to get to 200 lbs., so I ate Whoppers every day (on sale for $1/each, sans cheese that glorious summer) and drank MGD and Icehouse to put on weight. I got up to 201 for the program, but I was done. We had “three-a-days” where practice started at 8 am and more or less lasted until 9 pm. I remember a particular douche who got in my face and said, “DO IT FOR THE SENIORS!” “I don’t know who the seniors are…” He was not pleased.
I made through the year as a D3 O-lineman on the reserve team. My highlight was against nat’l champ Mt. Union. Our fatbody left tackle gave up three straight sacks and we relented for the punt team. My offensive coordinator grabbed my facemask and said, “Are you trying to kill my QB? You’re a piece of shit (technically, I was a center)!” Well, I never took criticism well. As he turned, I said, “I didn’t give up those sacks, you fucking piece of shit. I am going to cut your fucking throat! Turn around and look me in the eye, you fucking bitch! Turn around, you whore!” I never played another snap again, but that scumdick never turned around. 14 years later, I will take that rage out on someone. If not legally, I will cheap shot my way to redemption. John Glenn? No, I see Coach T. You will die this day.