• You had one job

    Posted by on April 26, 2019

    I, like tens of millions, eagerly anticipated the return of Game of Thrones.  In all honesty, other than live sports, it’s the only show I watch live.  Week one, I turned on HBO and recorded the episode in advance.  All was right with the world.

    Episode two was coming on, so I turned on my TV about 7:45 to make sure it was recording.  “You are not subscribed to this channel.”  OH MY DEAR SWEET LORD WHAT IS GOING ON??!!  I called, customer service was closed.  I went online and quickly added HBO to my plan, even though I already had it.  I called the tech support number – “No problem, sir, it should show up in a hour, maybe two.”  It never did.  FOR OVER 14 HOURS.

    I called Monday and talked to the nicest, most incompetent rep on Earth.  I explained in great detail what happened.  “Yes, do I have HBO now?  What happened?  Why did it work?”  “Hello, sir, you have HBO!”  “Excellent, why did it shut off last night?”  “Oh you have it, you signed on last night!  Am I providing good customer service?”  “I know I signed on last night, it worked a week ago, didn’t last night.  It didn’t show up even this morning.”  “Yes sir!  You are signed up now, you have HBO!  Am I taking care of your needs?”  Me, breathing into a paper bag now, “Look, I had it a week ago and then I didn’t.  Why is that?”  “Yes, now you are a subscriber!”  I re-explained another two times.

    I took one more very exasperated inhale and blew out.  “I KNOW I HAVE IT, I TOLD YOU THREE TIMES I HAD TO SUBSCRIBE.  WHY DID IT SHUT OFF?  WHY AM I PAYING NOW WHEN I HAD IT ALREADY?!”  Another five minutes of this and it finally clicked with her I was trying to find out what happened.  Turns out, my free period just happened to end randomly and it was free for everyone the first week.  “Great news, sir!  It was free for you last week no matter what!”  “COOL, I WATCHED IT.  I KNOW.  I REMEMBER THAT.  I WATCH ONE STUPID SHOW LIVE.  I HAVE TWO KIDS UNDER FOUR.  I HAVE LITERALLY ONE PART OF POP CULTURE THAT I STAY RELEVANT ON.  IF MY GAME OF THRONES ISN’T ON WHEN I GET HOME, I WILL UNLEASH A THOUSAND YEARS OF DARKNESS ONTO THE LAND.  MAKE IT WORK!”  “OK, I see you’ve subscribed!  Would you say I’ve answered your questions today?”  “HAVE A GOOD DAY.”  Click.

    It worked and the Night King has been kept at bay for now.  If this happens again, I’m dragging someone from whatever call center on the other side of the globe to my house and making them fix it while I scream, “YOU’RE NOT PROVIDING THE BEST CUSTOMER SERVICE RIGHT NOW!”

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