My wife had a work conference, so I just had to buy a plane ticket to go to Vegas. How awesome is that? Of course, for the amount things she wanted to clean, I needed a vacation from my upcoming vacation. WOMEN LOVE DEEP CLEANING EVERYTHING BEFORE THEY LEAVE THE HOUSE FOR MORE THAN SIX HOURS. We got on the plane at 5 am, which meant we had to wake up at 3 am, yaaaaayyyyyy! The flight wasn’t bad, but we boarded late, so we had to sit across from one another in the aisle. We rented Aquaman and every time someone had to wee wee or get a drink, we had to pull the earbuds out and pause the movie. That happened about, oh, sixty times, but since it was Aquaman, I didn’t really miss anything other than horrible one liners. Seriously, Aquaman, enough with the cornball one liners. Stop it.
We arrived and realized we were so damn early, we couldn’t check in. The bar wasn’t open and our luggage was already checked in. Then I realized how exhausted we were. This is what we get for getting the cheap early flight. I found a blackjack machine and well, I hate to brag, but I got up $36.80. I’m basically getting tossed out of Vegas – I have broken them, everyone.
Mercifully, we were able to check in and I took my piles of cash back to the room. I pulled up the mini bar menu on our TV and saw this:
They charge for coffee? Romance kit $50…it’s some rubbers and a French tickler. I could snag those at a Flying J truck stop bathroom for $3.50. Luckily, I found out I can get a beer for $20 in the blackjack machine, so my day is planned. Just kidding, I fell asleep after eating Panda Express for 12 hours and it was GLORIOUS. I’m going to need someone to take my children once a week from now on.
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