• How to raise a three year old

    Posted by on March 13, 2019

    I constantly said when my daughter was born, “I can’t wait until she’s old enough to talk.  That will be fun to hear what she has to say.”  I may regret that now.

    G: “I want the Mickey cup.”  Me: (Holding a pot of boiling noodles, shuffling to the sink) “OK, hang on a second.”  G: “I want the Mickey cup, dada.”  Me: (Pouring noodles into strainer) “I said I will get it, hang on.  Be patient.”  G: “Dada.  Dada.  Dada, I need the Mickey cup.”  Me: “I understand.  PLEASE WAIT A SECOND.”  (Puts steaming hot pot back on stove, grabs saucepan about to bubble over and moves it)  G: “Dada.  Dada I need the Mickey cup.  I need a drink.  Dada I need Mickey cup.”  Me:  “OK!  I GOT IT!  (Fills Mickey cup with water, hands it to her)  G: “Dada I want juice.”  Me:  “Mother of pearl…(dumps water hands her juice in Mickey cup) here’s the juice.”  G:  “Dada, I don’t want Mickey cup.”

    This above scenario happens about, oh, 12-97 times a day.  Then there’s this one, which happens daily.

    Me or Wife, aka Parent: “Here’s your shirt, come here let’s get dressed.”  G: “Not that one.”  P: “OK, what shirt?”  G: “This one!  (Picks pink shirt)  P: “OK, fine.  Here’s your pants.”  G: “NO!  I WANT THESE PANTS!”  (Picks red pants, now looks like a Valentine’s Day card)  After a four minute argument, parent gives in…  P: “OK, but we aren’t going out in public.  Here’s your socks.”  G: “NO, I WANT SNOW WHITE SOCKS!”  (Picks sky blue socks, repeat same argument, give in again)  This repeats for coat, hat, gloves and finally shoes.  At the end, my daughter looks like she went to a Goodwill on a budget that is ran by the My Little Ponies.  A homeless toddler rainbow.  P: “OK, put on your play shoes, I’ve let you pick every single article of clothing.”  G has nuclear meltdown over shoes that lasts ten minutes even though we have let her pick literally every stitch of clothing down to the underwear.

    Of course, there’s also all the fun conversations, mostly about poop and her telling me who has what genitals, which happens daily.  Then there’s the little things, like reading to her and seeing this line.

    Who’s the three year old? Still her, I’m more like a ten year old, though.

    In case you can’t read it, it says “inside Stinky’s hole is nice and toasty” which made me laugh because I’m still a middle school boy.  It’s the little things that make your day with children.

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