When I was younger and more ambitious, I did a ton of road work for comedy. In 2009, between work and comedy, I put over 40,000 miles on my car. I wouldn’t recommend it. One big irony of doing road work is that more people attend comedy shows in horrible weather, so the amount of gigs is larger by far in the winter than the summer, which is fun when you’re in towns with no cell service.
For those that don’t know, when you start traveling there are two types of shows. Showcases for other comics that pay like $14 because there’s 8 comics booked in a larger city or the town of 5,000 where there’s a feature (you) and headliner (a really angry person making more than you) and an emcee (a local guy reading internet jokes off a piece of paper, but he knows the owner). The latter was my wheelhouse for years.
I drove with a friend in six inches of snow to a gig. We had to print Mapquest directions because the GPS was so antiquated. As we saw the exit approach, I depressed the brakes…and slid about 400 yards on the highway in Michigan. I came to a stop and realized we hadn’t seen a car in 45 minutes, so I just backed up and went down the exit. I bet turnout will be great tonight! Another time I agreed to do shows in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan the week after Christmas. There was well over a foot of snow when I pulled into Sault Ste. Marie, Michigan. There was so much snow, in fact, when I stopped, I got stuck and had to put a towel under my tire, so I decided not to stop. I just went slow and planned ahead for intersections and lights. The show was at a Casino, so I thought it would be fancy, until I walked in and it was in a cafeteria with no stage or lights. I just had a microphone and was talking to 12 people in a cafeteria like a maniac. If I had been there the next week, I would’ve seen Bubba Sparxx. Oh damn the fates!
Driving lengthwise across the UP in Michigan the next day was an experience. I had another casino gig in Milwaukee, so I took the world’s most depressing drive. At this point, the snow was up to 16″ in some spots and the road was so covered, only the middle of the two lane highway was clear. You would think driving down the middle of a highway was bad, but I saw one car on average every 20 minutes, so I had a harrowing 34 seconds every 20 minutes where I had to pass someone just as shocked as me to see another living person. I saw at least 15 closed gas stations, so if the zombie virus outbreak happens, stay the hell out of the Upper Peninsula, unless you need lumber and nothing else. I made it to the gig, though and bombed in front of less than ten people for two shows. The two shows were so poorly attended, I began to miss the cafeteria and the drive of depression. Ah, show business.