Why you don’t offer to help morons

I was reminded of a story at my show Friday (Rehab Tavern, third Friday of every month, free to all).  The show went well, crowd was very attentive, and great sets from Bobby, Walta, Lindsey and Dan.  Dan asked me how long the show had been going, which reminded me for about two years, it was an open mic night on Mondays, which had its ups and downs.  Open mics are very random, usually on slower nights, so to make the show more productive for all, I added a small powwow before in the form of a comedy workshop.  We bounced jokes ideas and occasionally I would see the joke done live, then was asked for feedback afterwards.

One of these times, I saw a guy who I had never seen before.  He was late, but went up onstage and did his set.  His first joke was about his wife and kids.  His second was all the booty calls from randos and both jokes were heavy with the word bitch and other such non-flattering terms for women.  He didn’t do very well, even by open mic Monday crowd standards, which is saying a lot.

After, I approached him and suggested he would be wise not to mention the fact he’s married with kids, then talk about hooking up with other women.  “I’m not even married, it’s just part of the joke.”  Well, still, then you should definitely not say that, it’s not important to the joke and all the women and most of the men in here don’t like that joke.  “Man, I have freedom of speech.  I can do what I want.”  (Oh great, another high school dropout comic/Constitutional scholar)  You’re right, I’m not saying you can’t, I’m just telling you that you will eat shit onstage and most of the people here hate your guts.  You can do whatever you want, I’m just offering advice.  “How long have you been doing comedy?”  Longer than you.  “I’m going to keep doing that joke.”  OK, enjoy it.  When you figure out it’s not working, let me know.

I never saw him again.

So if you hear a comic talking about his family, then cheating on his wife – it’s not real, but it’s also not remotely funny, but don’t worry – you’re watching a true freedom fighter up there.  Get his name, because I forgot it right after the show.