My family uprooted and moved late last year. It was a harrowing journey, fraught with peril. OK, it was five miles because we ran out of room. Apparently you need bedrooms to put kids in these days. I remember reading about pioneer families 9 deep living in a sod house with one room and I don’t know how people didn’t all just run out into the wilderness and die. Anyways, about three weeks after we moved in, the new city passed a massive school levy with raised my taxes through the roof. Great timing!
Well, the bennies finally showed up, our new city took time off paving the roads with 24 karat gold and hosted an Easter Egg hunt for all of us serfs. FREE! Away we went to one of the 57 parks in our city (that part is nice, but I haven’t found one with a lazy river of scotch yet, so color me unimpressed). The best part for me was the temperature dropped 20 degrees and I was starting day two of a gastro-intestinal virus. Nothing like doubling over from cramps while you’re trying to teach your kid how to elbow the competition on the sly.
They also started late, which was hi-larious. I forgot to mention my wife said, “I need your coat; I didn’t know it was this cold.” Every minute they were late, my achy cramping body began to shut down more. They finally started and we realized some health nerd planted mostly somewhat nutritious things like fruit snacks in the grass. My daughter picked one up, then began to fuss because she was promised candy. Atta girl! Nutrients are for losers! I got boxed out three times by a small Asian mother with a camera who may have been Karl Malone in disguise, but after 43 seconds, it was over.
On the way out, a not very fluent in English woman opened her van door while I was putting G in her car seat, causing me to get pinned against the car. It also happened to leave a huge red streak down her door, so oh well to that. In all, we had fun, especially when my daughter sucked all the chocolate off the one Snickers fun size we found and hand the slimy nougat lump to my wife. “Momma take.” Now we just need about two dozen more of these or a free hoverboard to use next year and the tax increase will be worth it.