Last Saturday I had a show to raise money for the Botkins Fire Department. Side note – women reaaaaalllyyy love firemen. It really is some kind of voodoo magic. Well, good news, ladies, I was a volunteer fireman for three days in high school, but the other two guys quit and I couldn’t do the program myself, so I had become a gym aide for the credit. Of course, I wanted to quit when they made me hoe weeds in 95 degree heat while I they sat in the shade and drank cold Mountain Dew, but the other two beat me to it
The night got off to a good start when I got pulled over five miles from the venue. I had a headlight out, but the cop was cool and let me off. I sure the karma in the universe shifted and I’ll get diarrhea this week while I’m driving for that good fortune. They were putting away the food when I walked in, but thank God they still had some in the back, so I got the last possible plate (more diarrhea heading my way, I’m sure). I think the entire crew was at the show so I was hoping no one had a fire in Botkins. I’m sure nothing interrupts a set like 15 guys sprinting for the exits. I’m used to only 10 doing that per joke.
The show went very well, both comics, Kenny Mock and Josh Sneed, killed it also and the emcee did well also. He was their 77 year old local sheriff and mentioned that this was the only fire department not to have to pass a tax levy thanks to this fundraiser and two chicken cookouts. Of course, he did 25 minutes of crowd work also. Good luck lighting a man nearing 80 who can also arrest you after the show.
I forgot to plug my merchandise during the show, because my real job is in sales, so why would I remember to mention my book and beer coozie? They closed out the show with an auction, which was interesting. One item was an Ohio State mini bar on wheels with a cooler built in and four liquor dispensers. They kept tossing liquor bottles on top of it to raise the bids. Some tall drunk guy meandered over by me and said, “What’s for sale?” I raised my arm to point and it hit me that I nearly bid $500 with that move. Luckily no one saw me or I would have been dragging a mini bar behind my car at 70 mph. Looks like three days of diarrhea for this guy coming this week!
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