• Conversations with a two year old

    Posted by on November 26, 2017

    “What animals live in the woods?” G: “Elephant.” “I think that’s more Africa, but we’ll roll with it.  What other animals live in Africa?”  G: “Lion.  Gorilla.”  “Very good!  What else?”  G: ……  (Oh crap, now I have to think of animals.)  Suddenly, she speaks, keeping dad from saying eagles like he does for every answer.  “Dragons.”  “Hmm.  Well, I’ve never been to Africa, so let’s just go with that.  And eagles.  Good job.”

    Opens door, which she closes when it’s time for number 2.  “Hey peanut, can I check your diaper?”  G looks around, grabs a half an apple and hands it to me.  “Stinky!”  “I think the apple isn’t the problem.”  Then I remembered I had to change the diaper, smelled the apple to be sure, hoping for the best.

    G, running around after a diaper change.  “Where did pants go?”  “Oh, if dad had a dollar for every time he’s said that after a few beers!”  (Looks around to see if wife heard that comment.)

    When discussing food.  “Do you want peanut butter?”  G: “Ice keem.”  “How about ham?”  G: “Ice keem.  Ice keem.”  “OK, maybe after, how about hummus?”  G: “Ice keem?  Ice keem!”  (Fast forward three minutes.)  “Oh hell, you’re getting ice keem.”

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