Boy, should this blog be unnecessary, but apparently it’s needed now more than ever. Here we go!
DON’T SHOW YOUR WANG TO PEOPLE! Here’s a tip (no pun intended) to men: It’s not sexy. Women are attracted to what it’s attached to and perhaps what it does. Sadly, although you think it’s a big turn-on, no one wants to see it. In fact, most people (98-99.7%) are actually repulsed! I know! It’s CRAZY! Who wouldn’t want to see your 60 year old venous flesh whip? Keep it in your pants, when in doubt…or always. Especially at work.
DON’T GRAB WOMEN’S ANYTHING, WHETHER THEY ARE ASLEEP OR AWAKE. Believe it or not, women tend to let you know when they want to be touched. Typically, it’s after a long courting process that leads to something called a “relationship” or they will flat out tell you. Strangely, most don’t want to be fishhooked, groped, palmed, stroked, rubbed, accosted, squeezed, tongued, licked, nuzzled, or even dry humped off the ol’ cuff. Calm down, calm down, I know it’s tough to learn these things at your age. Oh, wait, you’re in your 50’s? You’re a scumbag – I’m sorry, I thought you learned these things at 5 years old like the rest of us.
NO, YOU CAN’T USE EXCUSES OR PAST ACCOMPLISHMENTS TO EXCUSE IT. But I’ve done a lot of good! OK, great, still a creep. Just because you made a good movie or worked reeeeaaaallllyyy hard on a bill your staff or lobbyists probably wrote for you, you still can’t be an el molestor. How about you do those good things and NOT sexually assault people? Then we are good to go! Amazing!
Well that should cover it, I think. Quick thoughts – this is America and get what you can, but how does someone make $25 million for being a host of a show and still have enough free time to molest people at work? I make a bit less than that and I don’t have 21 seconds to wee sometimes. Another one, how did Congress get by for years not having a sexual harassment policy? Before just now, the accuser had to file in a short window, go to counseling and basically sign a confidentiality agreement to keep their yaps shut. That should show you what was going on there. Lastly, people of the world, please stop making excuses because you like the person’s work. “I can’t believe what that guy did! Hold on, let me Google their abortion position…never mind, I’m cool with it.” You don’t get a pass because it’s been a while, you’re a former civil rights icon, you’re a comedian, you’re a powerful TV or movie person and defending these slime makes you look like an ass also. Hopefully that covers it, but I think by the time you’ve read this, three more perverts have been outed, so let’s hope for the best.
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