New parents: “I heard there’s something going around. Lock the doors and seal the windows. Shoot any people that approach the house.”
Seasoned parents: “I think I have the flu.” “Well, it’s your turn to watch the baby, suck it up I’ve had to pee for three hours.”
NP: “Get the organic food and clean the veggies, then steam everything. Don’t let it sit for more than 33 seconds or it’s contaminated.”
SP: “I think our kid is eating dog poop.” “Just don’t let her eat any more. Dinner’s almost ready.”
NP: “Wow, that’s a somewhat mildly stinky diaper.” (Pre-real food)
SP: “Give me the scuba mask, baby girl had asparagus for lunch and I think the poop is between her shoulder blades.” (After they start eating real food)
NP: “If anyone wakes the baby up, make them disappear.”
SP: “If anyone wakes the baby up, make them disappear and go after their loved ones also.”