I was out and about yesterday when suddenly I realized I had a minor emergency developing rather abruptly. I began frantically searching for the cleanest, quietest place I could find and like a dream, the clouds parted and I realized I was close to a library. Little did I know it was the worst place I could have picked.
I sat down and realized the toilet was about 16 inches off the floor. This would be ideal if I was a bird warming an egg, but alas, I’m not. I’m sort of a man. As soon as I sat down a kid walked in, pulled on the door, then sat right next to the stall door and began to peer under the wall. Call me weird, but I was rather unprepared for this turn of events. “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” He said nothing, but he farted very loudly and extended his legs under the wall. I was beginning to wish that I had actually crapped my pants.
He then began throwing things under the door at me and slapping beads on the floor. Apparently he had just returned from Mardi Gras. “WHAT IN THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!” No answer. He slid closer and more into my personal space. I now wished I had a colostomy bag instead of being in this situation. I ran out and realized the kid was unsupervised and should not have been by himself in the restroom. “Hey buddy, don’t look under the door.” His response was another loud fart. I was so flustered, I didn’t even buy anything (Haha I was in a library, get it?). I determined for the 131st time this month that I really need to find a way to never leave my house again.