The joy of flying

Throughout history, humankind had dreamed of flying.  Just over 100 years ago, it was achieved…and it’s awful.  I had to fly recently and had nearly forgot how awful – luckily everyone did their part to remind me!

1) Check a bag, lose something.  I think it’s a rule that if you check a bag, federal law requires that someone smash something or lose something.  Last flight, TSA rummaged through my crap and smashed a bottle of olive oil from Italy all over my clothes.  This time, they managed to lose a notebook I had in a side pocket.  It wasn’t important, it only had all the notes I had taken during my training session.

2) The airplane.  Right as we leveled off, I was waiting for the seat belt light, as my two coffees were ravaging my kidneys.  Don’t worry, I thought, there’s almost no one on the flight.  No one, except the guy with IBS that nearly knocked me over flying down the aisle.  I stood there for 20 minutes until the flight attendant looked at me and said, “Don’t go in there.”  Great, I guess I’ll just bust a kidney, piss my pants or try and go into the air sickness bag.  Some people are born under a constellation for greatness, I was born under one that meant I was damned to a life full of awkward restroom interactions.

3) Other people.  On the way down, someone across from me was staring at the same spot in front of themselves and not blinking.  I thought they were dead, but thankfully he finally moved.  I can’t imagine how long I would’ve been delayed with a dead body on the plane.

This was for a 90 minute flight.  If someone can invent a tube system for traveling like the bank has for your money, please do it quickly.  I can’t take another flight.  Unless I have drink tickets.  Then I can fly to Mars.