I spend more time at Lowe’s than half their employees these days with our house project. I thought I wasn’t very handy, then I started looking around when I was there this past weekend, all 14 times. I think I hate all these people.
1) Sorry lady, if you don’t have a receipt, the store doesn’t actually carry the product and you allegedly paid cash, they won’t take your product back. Turning around and muttering about what a bitch the cashier is to me garners zero sympathy, plus your overwhelming stupidity is keeping me from returning these nails and then promptly buying the wrong ones again.
2) Dear guy wearing all black goth gear blocking my path to get spray paint. Not only are you a goth, I can tell your entire outfit is brand new. You’re not going to fix anything, you’re going to sniff the paint in the parking lot. Any color will do, now get your vampiric ass out of my way.
3) This lady in front of me is clearly intoxicated. I have no issues with this on the surface, but I can imagine no scenario where I need to get drunk, then go start a home improvement project. Please tell me your story; I must know what dark and lonely road led to this moment.
4) Guy who is blocking the loading area with a hatchback car. There is nothing big you can fit in that car. The only thing heavy you could fit in there is the core of a dying star. You’re a lazy dick. Oops! It appears I have rammed into your car with my lumber! How shall live with myself? Especially as I do it again…and again…and again.