Tonight I will be hosting the Finals of the Open Mic Talent Search at the Columbus Funny Bone at 7:30. I’ve won a few comedy competitions over the years and it’s one of the strangest experiences a comedian came go through. The first time I did one was this very contest in 2008. I got to the finals and was on fire in the first and second round. I got up at the finals and completely ate it. There’s nothing like 300 people staring at you in dead silence as you try to act like you’re doing well. I would rather take a shit in front of 300 people than go through a bombing like that again.
I won the next one that they did in the fall though, less than a year and a half after I started doing stand-up. The best part isn’t the prize money, it’s having a tag for your act. “Former Winner of the Funniest Person in Columbus” sounds better than “Once performed to smatterings of tee hees at a bowling alley” or “Opened up recently for a guy who worked with a girl who guest spotted a show that Dustin Diamond was on.”
My advice for any comic in the contest format is maximize your laughs. You’re only up there for 5 minutes. The winner is usually the one that has a smooth 5 minutes and no down spots. It doesn’t hurt if you have a lot of friends and family to support you, especially if they’re delusional enough to think you’re funny. That’s advice you can take to the bank, says Chris Coen, 2008 Funniest Person in Columbus, 2009 Champion of Champions – Columbus Funny Bone, 2010 Funniest Person in Cincinnati – Go Bananas Comedy Club, author and comedian. I should start a comedy consulting firm. Oh wait, they’re all poor and I’ll make nothing. Never mind.
Also my book is available on Amazon – “Stuff to Read While You Shit” – eBook and paperback. I have a baby. Do you want to starve my baby?