The entire history of the world has been one of kings, tyrants, sovereigns, dictators and oligarchs. There was a tiny respite in Athens, but they still had slaves and some kept adolescents as lovers, so that really didn’t count. A bunch of guys about 240 years ago got sick of being slapped around by a king that hadn’t even set foot in their hemisphere, so they got all white trash pissed and said, “Goddurnit, we done had nuff!” I think that’s how it went, I wasn’t there.
Some people said they were wrong, they were just a bunch of rich assholes, most owned slaves. As Lincoln would point out later, they set the stage for what came later. You can’t have individual freedom as a premise and expect it not to carry to all peoples, even it took a Civil War to get there. Long story short, thanks to a bunch of wig wearing, tax hating, fancy writing guys, we have a country that kicks ass. Here’s a list of what started here.
Airplanes. Mass production. Cars. 30 packs of beer – because 24 is for commies. Football. Computers. TV. Free speech (even Canada doesn’t have that). Freedom of religion…or no religion, for that matter. Rock and roll, which came from American blues. R&B. Rap. Country music. Steam power. Horsepower. Batman. Captain America. Toilets that have extra flush power. Fast food. (Thus the extra flush power). George Washington. Abe Lincoln. George Patton. John Wayne. Jesse Owens (take that Hitler!). The U.S. Military (take that freedom haters!). Light bulbs. Radio. Cell phones. Facebook. Twitter. Pro wrastlin’. Hollywood (good and bad, I just watched the Transformers preview and died a little). Action movies. Wings. Video games (OK, that was mostly Japan, but we bought the most). Peanut Butter. Chili fries. There are more, but I need another beer, so I’ll wrap up.
Most importantly to me, we came up with the Bill of Rights, which was the brainchild of George Mason. Freedom of speech is the essential component of comedy and rational political debate. It also means I can do comedy and not have to worry about being detained, censored or executed, like in some countries. So on America’s birthday, I give a hat tip to some pissed off boys from the east coast. Good work…and sorry for wasting your legacy on drinking jokes and blogs. Now pass me a beer and play some Lee Greenwood, I got some ‘Merica to celebrate.
🙂 lol