The rage volcano that is the grocery store

I am in awe of the grocery store.  It is full of food, toiletries, booze and general things that help us in our life journey.  Despite this, I can’t be in a grocery store for more than six minutes without wanting to commit acts of violence on strangers.

Rule number one of a grocery store – some fatback white trash will inevitably block the entire aisle, half with their cart full of Mountain Dew and snacks, half with their lumbering selves.  As I snort, tap the cart and clear my throat, they refuse to move or acknowledge my presence as they scour the various ranch dressings, pondering which one will be the best chip dip.

Then, it gets worse.  I went to check out the other day at Giant Eagle.  They have a fun thing where you have to scan your members card to even buy their shit.  My favorite part of this is that every time this happens, the scanner tells me the card is not a valid item and the light goes off, making me look too stupid to scan my own shit.  Then an employee saunters over and asks me if I need help.  “Yes, I need a machine that can read the card you gave me to scan so I can buy your crap.”

I scanned my own groceries, then bagged them.  I used to bag groceries, by the way, so I’m pretty quick about it.  Despite this, a middle aged sea hag found it necessary to walk down the aisle and angrily shove my last box at me.  “HERE!  THERE’S YOUR LAST ONE!”  I failed to mention that I had 10 items and there were three empty aisles.  She then began firing her groceries at me before I even pulled the bags.  Long story short, if anyone has a good place to hide a body, please message me.  If I run into this foul creature again, it may not go as well.