Before a wedding, the most important part of planning is, well, whatever the lady says is most important that day, which changes often. I have had some input on things, none on others, but one task I got into recently was the registry. Stop one was this past week as we went to Bed, Bath and Beyond. Then the storm clouds rolled in.
I am not saying the employee wasn’t helpful. He was too helpful. We went to the pots and pans. If you told me two years ago that there was variation among pots other than some are metal and some aren’t, I would have said, “I’ll be dipped in shit!” or “Who gives a shit?” I learned, though, that apparently there are about 7200 differences. That was the first section.
It was going OK, despite that, until we got into kitchen stuff. He went through almost every single one, one at a time, as our eyes began to roll back into our heads. I thought about sneaking away to buy a water or candy bar before I passed out, but I feared at that moment I was being monitored by cameras and tower guards. I was suffering until my lady turned to me and said, “I can’t take this much longer.” He broke a bride to be – that is powerful voodoo indeed.
The breaking point was when we got to the shower curtains. He stopped, “This is a shower curtain liner. They go inside the shower to keep the water from splashing out.” OK, asshole. I didn’t walk in with a bearskin wrapped around me, dragging my fiancee by the hair. “What is shower? GRRRR!!! Chris no like fire light in sky!!! Fire scare Chris!!! RAWR!!!” I got the shower liner, pal. I don’t know what a carafe versus a colander is, but shower curtain, I got it. (I honestly had to look up how to spell carafe and colander. Maybe he was right.)