Golf outings

I hate golf.  I would honestly rather be kicked in crotch with tap shoes than golf 18 holes.  That said, I realize I am in the minority, thus I can’t escape it.  I had a golf outing yesterday.  The early problem before I even started was getting dressed.  Collared shirt?  Any sport that makes me wear business casual is annoying before I even get going.  Do I play softball in slacks?  No.  You stink, golf.

I got there and was paired with two ladies and a buddy.  Most guys would say, “Oh great, two ladies.  I have to carry the team.”  I said, “Oh great, I’m going to be shown up by two ladies.”  And I was.  One even yelled at me for using a range ball to hit.  Do you know how much golf balls are, Imelda Marcos?  Back off my range ball – I stole this fair and square when no one was looking.

My team got last, mostly my fault, but the good news?  Door prizes for everyone!  Yay!  I drew my ticket and got…wait for it…drum roll…A FIVE PACK OF SCISSORS!!!  This actually wasn’t bad, I cut my toenails with scissors and my toenails are nasty.  Probably because I cut my toenails with scissors.  Plus if I win golf related stuff, it’s a waste, I golf like a paraplegic.  Additional bonus, I can cut the sleeves off this damn collared shirt.