My first comedy show that I actually was paid for was in bar attached to a bowling alley. I was the feature act, which meant nothing, because I was new and awful and had no business doing 20 minutes in front of strangers, friends, or even stuffed animals. Luckily, my career has really progressed. Last weekend, I performed at a bar that was attached to a bowling alley. Son of a bitch. I was headlining, so I guess at this pace I’ll be selling out a theater in 2059. Not a real theater, maybe one in a town of 450 people.
The show was sold well, but started about 45 minutes late. I hate getting to rooms early and starting late, because it screws up my piss breaks. I hate having to tinkle onstage, but I really hate trying to rush on out and dribbling on myself. I could just invest in adult diapers, those Dancing with the Stars B listers seem to love them in commercials.
The crowd was pretty good, by good I mean they laughed and bought some of my merchandise afterwards. I had a good time and was marginally more sober than when I usually go to a bowling alley, so I’ll take it. Now excuse me, I have to prepare for a skating rink show. I have a lot of Hokey Pokey material to work out.