I spent the weekend in Detroit with my wife, who had to work. This gave me some free time to explore the magical wonderland that is downtown Detroit. What’s underrated are the restaurants. The food here is really good and there are plenty of options. I was impressed. This is called the compliment sandwich. Compliment, criticism, then I have to think of something else positive at the end.
On the way to dinner, I witnessed a drunk homeless guy being held up by another homeless guy. He fell down twice, so on the way past, I helped him up. He then fell down a third time. Then another homeless guy started yelling at them and they hustled away at about three miles per hour. As a side note, I noticed some homeless guys like to yell a lot. Those are the ones that scare me. Anyone can ask for change, but the ones that scream in the middle of the street are legit off kilter. I checked my pockets to make sure it wasn’t a ruse to rob me, then washed my exposed skin completely before eating.
I got to hit the casinos, which still allow smoking. I forgot what a treat that is until a lady in a wheelchair with four inch long fingernails blew three Capri 100’s directly into my face for an hour at the Blackjack table. Her pinpoint accuracy was impressive. I spent the next hour and a half looking for Febreeze on a Friday night. I didn’t find any, so I bought two overpriced air fresheners from a ghetto pharmacy and made my clothes smell like a lavender ashtray instead.
I then saw one street was done up in beautiful lights. This one was my favorite.
In fairness, Detroit really has a nice theater, sports stadiums, restaurants and hotels downtown, you just may run into some guy shuffling down the street screaming at the wind. Plus I won $15 playing Blackjack, so I’m pretty much ready to retire to my Tuscan villa soon. Thanks, motor city!