I was supposed to have a softball game, but one bolt of lightning and the pussies cancelled it. I had to pitch, so I was cool with that. I rolled over the Funny Bone for the show and amazingly, only 8 comics were there. There are 13 spots, so I got to emcee and close, but that’s not important – the new guys made the evening whole.
Magnum P.I. was back (see last week) and another new comic put on a George W. Bush mask onstage. Fun! My favorite though, was the college student wearing a women’s pink nurse scrub top, with boxer shorts, a scarf, and blue slippers. He was gay, but had a very hillbilly accent and back hair billowing up from his shirt to a level that would startle a Viking. He was actually so over the top, I laughed, but probably not for the right reasons. He said he wanted to get to a better place without hillbillies, so he moved from the Ohio River…to Athens, Ohio. Hmm. Cosmopolitan!
All was good until the closer, where he sang (not well) his own version of Rod Stewart’s “If you think I’m sexy” (not that Rod Stewart sings worth a shit). I don’t remember the whole thing, but one part stuck out. “If you’ve got some poopy, on your droopy, you probably should’ve wrapped it up!” Yes, he said that. No, I did not have enough hand sanitizer on my person. You folks see why you need to come to open mikes? Case closed.