Ah, high school graduation…and sixth grade graduation…and every sonofabitch grade. When did graduation go into effect for every grade? Hey Jimmy, you’re supposed to graduate sixth grade. Lose the cap and gown. This is getting ridiculous.
Welcome to the gold star generation, where every minor accomplishment is magnified. Oh, Billy, you got an 80%! Have a cookie. Yuck. Here’s the most real advice I got – I was walking out of Maysville High School in 1997, class pres, valedictorian – the world is my oyster. A straight up and down hilljack came up to me, interupting my schedule to get plowed. “Congrats man! Enjoy it, cause it only goes downhill from here!” He walked away, got in his Bronco and probably careened into a parked car later leaving Pondo after a fistfight…but at least he was honest with me. No job, no bills, young, blah blah blah – that was his apex. I don’t agree, because my life is damn good right now, but at least he didn’t give some talking point/fortune cookie bullshit. “May the wind be at your back!” I have a car, I don’t care about that. You know what, here’s some advice for the kids…
Your physical shape is plummeting every year – don’t be an asshole to your boyfriend/girlfriend. You have no idea what money is until you get your first paycheck and realize after bills you have $95 to eat for two weeks…shut up about how much cash you have, you’re poor. Finally, your degree doesn’t mean shit – interview like a beast or prepare to light that piece of paper on fire to heat your studio apartment next December.