I got down here in Birmingham on Tuesday and got a call from the emcee. “Hello, governor! How are you?” Sigh…OK, who in the hell is this? This went on for about ten minutes and I found out he needed a ride. Terrific. I picked him up and we made it to the show. I didn’t realize the venue was a theater, not a standard club. Not a big deal, but I went onstage and this really angry dude was seated right in the front at my feet. Upon closer examination, it was a chick, so that threw me off. BTW, she hated my guts.
I felt like I had a subpar show the first night, probably due to fact I drove nine hours and was exhausted. Plus, I was told no one takes a beer onstage at this place. What? I felt naked. One of my jokes about pulling up next to a drunk driver involves me holding up a beer and saying “Same team, brother!” Not quite the same with a Dasani. Goddurn commies.
The good news is that my place has a TV with an HDMI cable port, so I have full access to my PS3. I just bought Assassin’s Creed 3, which I found has you killing the British to help my roll dog, George Washington. Other than a game helping Lincoln beat Hitler in the Civil War, I can’t think of anything more perfect. Take that, lobsterbacks! Get your hands off my Constitution, you tea drinkin’ sumbitches! USA! USA! USA!