I am working this week in Birmingham, Alabama. This is the 17th state I have performed in, which is cool. It was a nine hour drive to get here, which is not cool. You really have to mentally prepare yourself to drive that far. I have satellite radio, which definitely helps, but the hair metal station can only take one so far. Once I hear the third Britny Fox or White Lion song, I have to mix it up.
Luckily, I deprive myself of fluids to not have to pee and load up on history podcasts. I found out that Henry Ford was a real innovator…and a Jew hating piece of shit. That took up about 45 minutes of my drive. At about the seven hour mark, I could be listening to a podcast about how sweet Chris Coen is and I still would murder to be done with the damn drive. Now you know why truckers will talk your ear off after hauling a load from Idaho. Being in a vehicle that long drives you crazy. I must admit, the trucker bombs are tempting also (that’s a drinking receptacle filled with pee – milk jug, Mt. Dew bottle, etc.)
Despite Cincinnati and Nashville trying to ruin my trip with traffic jams, I drove about 581 miles in eight hours and 56 minutes. Oh, and after all that, I had to do 20 minutes featuring in a theater. There’s not enough Red Bull/cocaine in this state to get me up for that, but I did it. My reward for this harrowing marathon of suck was that the hotel housekeepers decided to bother me three times before 10 am. Unless you have free beer, enter my room under pain of death.