I got the news via a phone call from my buddy that around 50 animals – tigers, bears, lions, and monkeys were running loose in my hometown of Zanesville, OH last night. I then went to the most reliable source of info – Facebook. Here are my thoughts…
1) How in hell do you pay for that many animals? I couldn’t raise 50 fish. I know, b/c my neighbor once gave me a pregnant red-tailed African chiclid. It had a billion babies, give or take. I went through three bags of feeder fish a week until I couldn’t take it anymore. No pet store would take them, so I dumped all of those murderous demons into the pond near my leasing office at my apartment. Let God decide! (I destroyed the ecosystem, I bet my bottomfeeder is seven feet long now).
2) Anyone that says they shouldn’t have shot the animals is an ass. Oh wait, let me get out my “Police guide to subduing bengal tigers and other animals not native to this hemisphere.” FYI, Ohio legislators – a law may need updated about owning 1000 lb. jungle cats and black bears.
3) Although dumb, it would be awesome to own a wolf. If it bit me, I would turn into a small faced teenager and fight vampires for the love of a small faced chick who’s supposed to be hot, but I don’t see it. Plus, Bark at the Moon is the best live metal song ever.