I host a comedy workshop before my weekly open mic where I, with other comedians, bounce ideas around the table about material, punchlines and premises. Sometimes I get really new comics who have some questions about everything under the sun. I had a guy who had been doing stand-up for three weeks ask me how to make good money doing stand-up. I wanted to tell him to rob a liquor store in the middle of his act. That might be your best shot.
More recently, I had a young guy come in. He had a ton of questions for me and I could tell he had never done stand-up. I’m used to hearing “How do you get over nerves?” or “How do you handle hecklers?” The newbie looked at me point blank and said “How do you, you know, be funny?” My mouth started to move, but I realized he had absolutely no chance to ever be a stand-up comedian. I’ll explain.
Every new comic needs improvement. Some aren’t able to get to the point, some can’t write good punchlines to stories and some are just plain awkward. Nevertheless, they have one thing is common – they all think they’re funny. Most, especially rookies, are probably very wrong about that, but at least they have that down. It would be like trying out for your high school basketball team and asking the coach, “How do you play basketball?” The coach is expecting you to know that, probably how to dribble, etc. “Hey coach, do we have to run and stuff? That seems awful. I just like the fancy shorts.” I finally asked back, “What do you think is funny?” “I don’t know.” “Have you ever watched a comedian?” He looked at me for a bit. “I don’t know. It seems cool.” I almost had a stroke over this exchange, but finally said back, “When you come up with something funny, you’re ready to try again. If not, I wouldn’t bother.” He didn’t come back.
Well, I better wrap this tale up. I’m thirsty. Maybe if I stand near a puddle my thirst will be quenched. I better ask someone how this works.