Friday I did a show in my hometown. They had a wireless mike. It worked great…for five minutes. Then it started cutting out. This bar had about 200 people or more at 10:30 pm and my mike failed. They went digging for another mike, but by the time it came up, I was done. At one pont I mentioned that I would rather tell jokes w/ Adolf Hitler in my right hand than the piece of shit mike. Only about 15-20 people heard me, though – the mike cut out.
I learned as a comic, you have to steer club owners away from bad ideas. Much like the Gremilns – don’t perform after midnight. In fact, anything later than 9 pm is usually asking for trouble b/c everyone will be hammered. Also, never perform outside. Nothing ruins a punchline like a train whistle or a jake brake rumble. Inside is better. Another turd is when someone from the crowd wants to tell a few. This means a) it is going to stink and b) they are just going to tell “truck stop” jokes that every one who has ever hung out in a locker room, break room, or bar has heard before. The worst idea ever is when they serve food…and want you to start during the food serving, so they have something to do during said waiting. I did a New Year’s show (with a wireless mike) on a stage made of cardboard boxes covered w/ a sheet, too close to a fireplace, as the several hundred people grabbed their salads and rolls. All that could be heard was the clanging of metal on ceramic. My pal Laura went up as they served the dessert (buffet style, of course) and Camp went up, only to (surprise!) have the wireless mike go out. Hey, can we turn on a playoff game in the back of the room? This show needs more distractions.