Author: Chris

When I was in middle school, Bill Clinton, Ross Perot and George Bush (there was no need for the H.W. then) were running in 1992 and MTV was all about Rock the Vote.  Between music videos, they would have short interview clips or VJ’s telling you to go and rock it while people screamed.  It was really well-meaning, but pretty annoying.  They would interview some of the screamers and the answers were sometimes things like “I’m going to vote because stuff is important!”  Kind of like social media now.

I think people should vote, but if you don’t care, don’t vote.  Please.  If you aren’t willing to research beyond your friend Gunther’s Facebook post, don’t vote.  If you think the dogcatcher locally should be determined by whether you like the president or not, don’t vote.  Voting is important…if it’s informed.  Going to a poll to get a selfie, not so much.

When you’re 18, you can vote.  You start paying taxes – my first experience with taxes was buying a pack of baseball cards for a quarter when I was seven.  It was .27 cents and I didn’t have enough. You can get your own healthcare – or stay on Mom and Dad’s for a spell – but eventually that will matter, especially if you are in poor health or start a family.  You begin to realize immigration, national defense and human rights issues are more important than you thought in high school.  You get a paycheck (or can’t find a job and don’t).  You meet new people with different life experiences than you and may think differently on things – left or right or both.  My point is, if you go through all that, and don’t care take the time to vote once a year or two, then please don’t run out and smash buttons to get a sticker.  Leave it up to people that do care.  Rock the couch!  (For everyone else, seriously, go out and vote.)

 

Well, I picked a hell of a time to start really trying to lose weight.  Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas all on the radar.  We took the kids trick or treating Wednesday.  It was raining all day, but briefly broke so we could run out.  I was hot because I sweat 84% of the year, but my wife went as the Wicked West of the West, so we were all very concerned she may melt.  Rules are rules.

My son did very well, mostly because he’s too young to know how goofy that hat is.  Everyone was really friendly, especially when they kept offering my daughter extra candy.  That’s great, because we all know how that works out.  She ate a couple pieces as was dancing until 10:30.  I almost had to put her in a straightjacket to get her to bed.

Option B?  I eat it because my wife doesn’t like chocolate, which is a good 2/3’s of the candy you get on a bad year.  I’m sure it won’t hurt my diet, I just need to run an extra 8 miles a day and it’s like I never had any!  So I need all you lazy kids to step up and take all the candy before I get out there next year.  Um, there’s winning Xbox tokens in the Werther’s Originals or whatever.  Actually all the candy, except the Heath Bars.  So God help me if you rats take all the Heath bars from me…I mean my kid.

This past weekend, with the news of the hateful massacre of eleven Jewish people in Pittsburgh, I noticed some buzz about a local controversy.  A haunted house that has been around for years apparently was its annual “Swastika Saturday” event.  A bit of a head scratcher, to put it mildly.  It isn’t very well defined by most of the news stories, but employees (and customers) were encouraged to put swastikas on themselves for their final day.

The owner, defying calls to end the 28 year, um, “tradition”, said at the time they focused on human horrors and the Nazi symbol was just an extension of humanity’s evil.  A quick search showed other images, like a zombie nun with an upside down cross and stories of flying the American flag.  I went there once in high school and the only thing I really remember was a hallway where hands were grabbing at us and a guy blowing his brains out with a shotgun – very gory and we really enjoyed it at the time.

Why does the controversy matter?  A few reasons.  First, why?  I’ve never looked a vampire, werewolf or zombie and thought, boy, if it’s a Nazi, it’s going to be REALLY scary.  “But they focus on humanity, that’s why!”  OK, again why?  Rapists are scary.  Child molestors are terrifying.  Klansman elicit fear from evil.  Why don’t they have those groups, to name a few?  Because they would have their ass handed to them the day after word got out.

Secondly, for human decency.  The crime in Pittsburgh was several hours before they opened and all over the news.  It was known immediately that it was a hate crime and by early afternoon that the shooter was a Nazi sympathizer/anti-Semite.  There was plenty of time to tell the staff and/or not promote it in fresh Facebook posts.  Even if you’re not sure, just back off.  What, is some idiot really going to have their night ruined by not seeing crudely painted swastikas on a fake corpse?  Chances are they can just go back to their garage and stare at the one hanging in there.  Yes, I’m assuming the only people upset by no swastika night are probably already Nazis.

Thirdly, why were the Nazis bad?  I get very annoyed that the Hitler and Nazi terms are far too loosely batted around for political reasons and on the media.  It downplays what they did.  The Nazi party was built on an ideology rooted in false beliefs, as a radical extension of eugenics and racism, that the “Aryan” race was being plagued by lesser races, primarily the Jews.  It built upon German national pride and borrowed centuries old Anti-Semitism, one of Europe’s hand me downs that still has a strong base in that continent, the Middle East, and even here, in America.  They decided, in addition to starting a war of conquest that would lead to tens of millions deaths, to exterminate the undesirables in a way unseen by history.  Using the modern tools available to them, they set up death camps where dozens of completely innocent men, women and children were gassed, tortured, starved, beaten and shot with ruthless efficiency.

The Holocaust also targeted the disabled, homosexuals, Communists, and gypsies, in addition to political targets, but it had one goal over all others – to eradicate the Jewish people from Europe, and probably ultimately, from the earth.  Children were ripped from their mothers’ arms, never to be seen again.  Families were put into lines, picked for death at random, after having been forced onto cattle cars where they had to piss and shit on one another, packed in so tight, some died on their feet and stayed that way.  The Nazi medical “doctors” used human beings for medical experiments, like sewing children together to try and make conjoined twins.  They injected blue dye into their eyes to attempt to make Aryan features.  These animals would break bones over and over and over to see how often they healed.  The put people in extreme temperatures or air pressure chambers until they frozen or their eardrums burst.  Some of these Nazis were never caught or brought to justice.  This is why you don’t host a Swastika Saturday.

After extreme social media pressure and the media getting involved, the Haunted Hoochie finally expressed regret.  In a well worded post, obviously from a lawyer, they apologized and pledged to donate $50,000 (who knows how this will be proven) to the synagogue.  Part of humanity is forgiveness.  I believe, despite poor taste, horrible judgement and their grab for attention over doing what is “right” that we could possibly forgive them…but I saw this on my pal Ron’s post.  This was found from digging around on their FB page.

This is a post from years ago where the Haunted Hoochie gives strong credence to a Nazi history troll (yes, they are out there – I saw them pop up on a page about the Churchill movie, Darkest Hour), blaming the Jews for World War II.  Stating that you can’t criticize certain people, aka Jews.  Too all those who think this was a nothingburger or an example of PC culture ruining your good time, I say this.  If you need a swastika to have fun at a haunted house, go stick a fork in a toaster.  If you see what the Nazis did, watch Holocaust survivors tell their stories shaking with tears running down their faces, knowing they executed children via medical experimentation, starvation and gassing, and still think this isn’t a big deal, you are a shit human being.

Lastly, to the Haunted Hoochie, I’m not one to boycott, flip out, or jump on social trends.  I don’t need to be told what to be upset by or what way to turn.  I see that post I shared above and I know what you think about Jewish people.  At best, you’re a radical conspiracy theorist with a haunted house, at worst, you are a racist and harbor sympathy to white supremacist garbage.  Your $50,000 is a desperate parachute to save your ass, not a genuine gesture.  You stood defiant in face of a killing spree because you stand defiant to history and facts.  If that post above wasn’t you, why did someone post as “Haunted Hoochie” such a moronic and evil statement and someone with admin responsibility respond in kind?  I would say shame on you, but you have none.  Good luck next year, it will likely be your last.

I really don’t like typing these, but it’s partial therapy and after repeated and prolonged insults, I occasionally give something back to companies with crap service.  Trust me, I don’t enjoy it.  I’m not one of these muck dwelling Yelp reviewers that tries to ruin a business because they had butter instead of “I can’t believe it’s not butter!”  I, in my own world of employment, had a customer go online and trash my company…because we had sales.  Disclaimer aside, here goes.

We moved into a new house just over a year ago and got a home warranty for a year.  The day we were moving in the former owner told us the fridge quit working right – no ice.  We called our providers, HSA Home Warranty.  They said it was covered and sent a tech out.  After providing the rep with our make, model and serial number, which wasn’t easy to get, they sent a repairman – who didn’t work on our fridge.  It was this crazy foreign knock off brand called “GE.”  He did find that not only was the ice maker not working, the temps were not holding in the fridge and we would start losing food.  Another week, same exact scenario.  They sent another guy, didn’t work on GE.  Third week, they sent someone who could LOOK UP THE ERROR CODES BUT NOT FIX IT.  Well, now we are flying!  I finally had enough and swapped it with our old fridge, which we had at the old house.  I called again about my fourth appointment, all of which, mind you, required my wife or myself to call off work or change our schedule.

Call went like this.  “Just letting you know the fridge got moved five miles away, so he can fix it there.”  “Sir, we can’t fix it at another address.”  “It’s the same fridge, you didn’t fix with three other guys and it’s been broken at this point for over four weeks.  I’m not moving a faulty fridge back yet again with me and my dad and breaking my back.  You can have it fixed there and I’ll move it when it works.”  Rep: “Sir, by contract, we only work on the site of the home.”  Me: “Well, you haven’t worked at all.  You can’t even find someone to fix a GE in the 15th largest city in the US and I’m losing food.  I think as a courtesy, you can make it happen, since this has dragged out.”  Rep:  “Only if you move it back.”

So I paid out of pocket to repair it because that was better than moving a fridge in December with only me and my senior citizen father.  I then had another issue where they would not pay up on a warranty claim because I had another contractor look at something before they were notified.  They refused to take my call and made me email a robo-email address that wouldn’t take replies.  My hate went from simmering to fully cooked.  The coverage finally expired, but not without them emailing me bimonthly, mailing me a flyer every three weeks, and recently, calling my cell while at work to get me to renew this fine warranty that covers, pays for and fixes nothing.

I finally called back after work and selected the correct department.  I told the lady I wanted the renewal department.  “They don’t take calls.”  Me: “I was given this number.”  “Well, they don’t have a number.”  Me: “I was given this number to call back.”  “I’m in sales, I handle that.”  Me: “Well, can you or anyone there take me off the call list?”  “No, there’s no way to do that.”  Me: “So you guys just call me for a year, decade, rest of my life?”  “I guess I can take some notes.”  Me: “While, you are at it, let me tell you why I’m not renewing.”  I dictated to her the multitudinous complaints and realized she didn’t even have my account pulled up, so it was all for naught.  As I explained what happened, she interrupted me several times and told me how I violated the policy by moving the fridge.  Me: “Well, when my food started spoiling, I really didn’t care about your policy.”  “Well, that’s the rules, so it’s on you.”  She then did the same thing explaining how I was wrong on the second claim for a technicality.  Me: “Well, I called someone else first because you sent these dummies that couldn’t even fix the problem – which means you don’t know how to hire contractors, which is your whole job.”  She then told me she would see if anyone could take me off the call list, but probably not.

So, after all that, I have another way to maybe get off your call list.  Go burn in hell, HSA Home Warranty.  You didn’t fix the easiest of issues, made me move a fridge in the winter and pay for the repairs myself because I had the audacity to want a working appliance that was fully covered under your policy, and you hit me on a technicality because I didn’t have faith you would fix anything with your stellar track record of whipping darts in a pitch black room, hoping you would hit the board.  I was going to let it all go, but you then chastised me when I called to say, “Stop calling me.”  So go ahead and waste your stamps, time and money, I’ll never use you, recommend you, hire you and will, like in this blog, make sure my circle knows the same.  Want to take me off your damn call list now?

This past weekend, my wife and daughter revisited the Wilds, a nature reserve, which is in Muskingum County, Ohio, where I grew up of all places.  I had actually never been, which I suppose is like a New Yorker never having been to the Statue of Liberty.  It was just so close I never got around to it.  Plus, with so much else to do in Zanesville, who has the time?  (aka drink Busch Light, play drinking games, etc.)

Of course the one weekend we chose to go the temperature dropped 20 degrees and the wind was howling like we were north of the wall in Winterfell.  It’s an open air bus tour that lasts several hours, so that would turn out great.  It is really pretty amazing, they have cheetahs, giraffes (who were put away for winter – I really don’t know where in the hell you stuff a giraffe, but whatever) and rhinos.  They even had this thing.

Above is a Sichuan Takin, which I thought sounded like “Schezuan Taco” because I was hungry.  I never did get any tacos, so it was very disappointing.  There was an old one missing an eye with a broken horn from fighting, so I liked the Taco thing.

We also had a dumb camel (thumbs down from the ball jostling ride at the zoo earlier this year) and an even dumber ostrich approach the bus.  This thing kept pecking the bus bolts on the side, ramming its dumb face into the metal over and over.  I was ready to punch it if it tried to peck my daughter.  That’s actually how I spent half the time, thinking about punching the animals if they got frisky.

My wife then gave her coat to our daughter as the temps dropped and wouldn’t take mine, so I looked like an ass.  Then she finally took my coat and I wished I looked like an ass.  I literally tucked my arms into my shirt like a straightjacket, so you will see no pictures from the last 30 minutes of the Artic Express bus tour.  I would give this place four of five stars – no alcohol on the bus or I would give it five stars.  Six if they let me wrestle a cheetah.

My wife secured tickets to see Ohio State football last weekend.  The last time we ventured onto campus, someone keyed her car, so we decided to Uber.  Of course, she had to make a quick run to Target with my daughter first, which meant 3 hours, so I assumed we would completely miss the game.  That place is a black hole.

We did get there, just a hair late, and trekked up the stairs.  I’m either way out of shape or 112 steps is a bit much.  We got to our seat just in time (another 88 steps to get seated) for a Buckeye TD.  I gathered my air in the mountainous altitude, then went to find my wife a drink and some food.  She doesn’t drink beer, so I had to go all the way to the ground floor again, but only found spiked seltzer and didn’t want her to divorce me, so I didn’t buy it.  Back up the stairs.  My fat thighs barely fit in my pants now anyways, might as well be muscle.

I jumped in the next line with a soft pretzel and of course, I picked the line with the oldest guy to have ever worked the line.  He also had molasses on his shoes or something.  23 minutes later, I got a pretzel.  DURING THE GAME.  It’s not like I went at halftime and complained.  There was a TV in the line, but of course, another TD while I was paying.

I went back up and caught about five minutes before half.  At that point, I figured it was easier to piss off the top of the stadium rather than venture back down the stairs.  Oh and someone had kicked over my beer when I was gone, even though I had it placed all the way back.  My first instinct was to suck the beer off the pavement since it was $8, but I held back, as I was too tired to stoop over.  I figure it would be easier to kill and eat another fan to survive rather than go down and wait in the bratwurst line, so at least I’m picking up survival skills.