This past weekend, my wife and daughter revisited the Wilds, a nature reserve, which is in Muskingum County, Ohio, where I grew up of all places. I had actually never been, which I suppose is like a New Yorker never having been to the Statue of Liberty. It was just so close I never got around to it. Plus, with so much else to do in Zanesville, who has the time? (aka drink Busch Light, play drinking games, etc.)
Of course the one weekend we chose to go the temperature dropped 20 degrees and the wind was howling like we were north of the wall in Winterfell. It’s an open air bus tour that lasts several hours, so that would turn out great. It is really pretty amazing, they have cheetahs, giraffes (who were put away for winter – I really don’t know where in the hell you stuff a giraffe, but whatever) and rhinos. They even had this thing.
Above is a Sichuan Takin, which I thought sounded like “Schezuan Taco” because I was hungry. I never did get any tacos, so it was very disappointing. There was an old one missing an eye with a broken horn from fighting, so I liked the Taco thing.
We also had a dumb camel (thumbs down from the ball jostling ride at the zoo earlier this year) and an even dumber ostrich approach the bus. This thing kept pecking the bus bolts on the side, ramming its dumb face into the metal over and over. I was ready to punch it if it tried to peck my daughter. That’s actually how I spent half the time, thinking about punching the animals if they got frisky.
My wife then gave her coat to our daughter as the temps dropped and wouldn’t take mine, so I looked like an ass. Then she finally took my coat and I wished I looked like an ass. I literally tucked my arms into my shirt like a straightjacket, so you will see no pictures from the last 30 minutes of the Artic Express bus tour. I would give this place four of five stars – no alcohol on the bus or I would give it five stars. Six if they let me wrestle a cheetah.