I took my woman to a casino last weekend and it was nice. Instead of a non-smoking room, they gave us a smoking room, but at least they compensated me by giving me a 0% discount. Oh wait, that’s not compensation at all. I, of course, won almost $200 because I am a man that operates with great skill on the periphery of society’s morality and rules. I was downing beers like my throat was on fire, winning money, and engaging in general debauchery – it was great.
The next morning I decided we should enjoy a sit down meal right there at the casino. My stomach was stretched from the previous night’s alcohol to the size of a waterbed, so I was starving. As I sat down, a little hungover, my eyes drifted to the perfect treat – the Cajun Meatloaf Tower. Spicy for the hangover, the gravy soaked meat and mashed potatoes beckoned me like a Siren’s song. Oh the joy! I went after the treat like a drowning man goes for a breath of air. About 2/3 of the way through (the nacho appetizer didn’t help), I realized the Faustian deal was souring and the devil was about to collect.
I was full, but functional for about three hours. Then the Cajun Meatloaf Tower overran my digestive system like the Huns storming the gates of Rome. Painful cramps nearly brought me to my knees as I prayed for my girlfriend to suddenly have a desire to go for a walk or shop for the next two hours…or days at that point. I held it all in until the skiing commenced, then finally achieved sweet release as I crop dusted snow boarding teens and old verterans of the slopes alike. I am pretty sure any pregnant women in the area were induced into labor by the invasive, creeping fog and small mammals curled up and died instantly. It was so bad, I had a hard time drinking, because my stomach would resist any more calories until the evil and merciless meatloaf tower had its way raping and pillaging my bowels.
It has been days, but I still can feel the pain. The screams still echo of the mountain sides in Pennsylvania. Remember this children, when you kneel down to pray at night – ask God to bless your family, forgive your sins, and keep you from the temptation of the soulless Cajun Meatloaf Tower. Amen.