Concerts hit different in your 40’s

My first concert, as in one I bought a ticket to, not counting the free ones I was dragged to as a youth, was Ozzfest 1997. I went to see Pantera and as a bonus, Black Sabbath and Ozzy were reuniting, but Ozzy lost his voice and the maniacs aka fans set fire to the fence and destroyed the venue’s soil by heaving it at the stage. It was awesome. Over the years, I have seen dozens and dozens of performers since, although age has afforded me more opportunities, it has also thinned my tolerance for crowds and being fried in the summer sun. That said, when I found out Pantera was reuniting aka reforming and playing live for the first time since 2001, I was in.

I like a lot of bands. I love a few more. Pantera is somewhere above that. All the static about a reunion without the founding members was understood, but what band after 22 years has all the original members? None. I was going. The funny thing is in 1997 I think I was one of the first people to show up. This time, I called my buddy from high school, who also went with me in 97. “Want to go? We are going.” “Sure, what time do they play?” I looked. “They are closing, probably around 9.” “OK, I’ll call off work.” I looked again at the lineup. “No, don’t. I don’t want to go early.” So I skipped about 12 bands I had never heard of and didn’t bat an eye. All day festivals are a young man’s game. As fun as it sounds to get sunburnt and alcohol poisoned, we good over here. Turns out my back hurt from standing through two bands, if I had went early, I’d be in a wheelchair.

The pregame has changed a bit also. In 97′ we were pounding beers at 18 in car on the way up with our McMuffins. This year, I didn’t even eat or drink beforehand. My buddy forgot his cell and cost us an hour and I didn’t want to wait in line for food, so we didn’t eat until we found a gas stop Burger King at 11:30. That’s a whole other topic of shit to avoid at 40 something. When we got to the festival, the nearest parking space was two miles away downhill. I found some maniac hillbilly lady that let me park between a tree stump and playground in her yard for $20. I would have spit on her in my 20’s, now I paid her $20 to park and $10 for a two mile Astrovan ride to the closest gate entrance and glad to do it.

We got there just in time to see a “screamo” metal band on stage 2 just laying into a song. Side note, I love heavy metal, but I HATE the bands where it’s just some dude going ape on drums while some guy throat screams into a mic. Right in middle of a particularly intense such song, the very British singer stopped, and in his very proper accent said “Excuse me, security, someone needs attention. Let’s all be safe out there.” Then they grabbed the semi-corpse from the pit and he went right back into death growls. It was perfect.

As we walked in, it was a cavalcade of the metal spectrum. Old carny looking trash fans in their 60’s were wearing 30+ year old faded black tees, while 20 year old girls were wearing black mesh shirts with blue hair and vinyl boots. I saw one guy walking out wearing a Tom Petty shirt and I wondered how in the hell he wound up there. It is funny, in contrast to the P!nk (yes I had to type that, with the stupid exclamation) how when you go to concerts 85% of people dress alike For reference, the P!nk (damnit) concert was nearly all 40 year old women, a few gay guys and old dudes wearing AC/DC shirts like they were trying to show off their manliness. “My wife drug me here!” Yeah mine did also, but I don’t have to pee on the fire hydrant. WE GET IT, YOU’RE A HARDASS.

Difference number three – I had ZERO desire to be close to the stage. Megadeth is another one of my favorite bands and they actually went on 25 minutes early. They opened with my favorite song, Hangar 18 and I was more than happy to be in the back row. When I was 18, I jumped in the mosh pit and three songs later some Stone Cold looking guy mashed me in the mouth with an elbow. I chipped a tooth and promptly retired from mosh pits forever. Plus the back is closer to the drink stations. Win/win.

I made it to the Dime tent to see the guitar collection about 60 seconds before they closed, which would have been smart if I had went ten minutes earlier. The 10% chance of rain my weather app said was more like 153% as we got absolutely drenched from head to toe. I suddenly remembered crazy parking lady offering me a poncho for $10. Well, shit.

Long story short, it was an awesome show and great to see after waiting over two decades. Next time, however, I’m bringing a poncho, a chair, maybe some A/C…can I just drive an RV onto the grass. I’ll park in the back near the drink stations!