I went aboard for work last month and I don’t mean to Windsor, Canada to gamble, which is usually the extent of my world traveling. I flew to Barcelona, which they pronounce BAR-THA-LOW-NA all because some inbred Euro monarch had a really bad lisp several hundred years ago and no one wanted to be beheaded, so they switched the way they say TH. I wish I was an inbred European monarch sometimes, instead of a regular American inbred.
STUFF BE DIFFERENT IN SPAIN. Here’s a few things I noticed:
You better like ham. Holy crap does Europe love ham. Ham for breakfast – cooked, uncooked, half cooked. Lunch? HOW BOUT SOME HAM BROLE? (See what I did there?) Lunch was whole ‘nother issue. They eat “tapas” aka lunch is like 27 appetizers, 24 of which ARE HAM. Dinner was mostly normal, but seafood…or ham. America leads, one to zero.
They are some skinny folk aka America is fat. Maybe both. Then again, the traffic stinks so everyone walks, drinks insane coffee and smokes. Light em up and hit the pavement, America! (It could be all the ham, but who knows, I tapped out on ham the last day). GOAL FOR SPAIN. 1-1.
They take climate change more seriously…or my hotel is cheap. I woke up exhausted but drenched in sweat because I found out later you had a have the room key in the wall, inserted, for the AC to work. Earth be damned, I need AC when I sleep. Five goals for America. 6-1 (until the Earth burns or explodes, but I’ll be dead by then).
Finally, I did get to comedy in front of about 70 people one night. It was a two minute set about a cooking contest and it was unpaid, but I did hit a homerun (that’s homero runo in Spain) and had about 15 people tell me I should do stand up some time. With that said, I have begun writing my new special, As American as Apple Paella, which will probably be available on Netflix Kids in 2038.