As if 2020 wasn’t bad enough, now we have murder hornets. No fear, my friends, I am pretty much an entomologist from years of killing every insect I can. I probably hate flies and mosquitoes more than anyone who has ever walked the Earth, thus I am a PhD of six legged extermination. Here’s how we stop them.
- Talk politics to them. Nothing kills momentum like having a casual conversation and someone is all like “You how we can fix this country?” The murder hornets will go back to Asia.
- In Asia, bees have learned to swarm the murder hornet scouts and vibrate, creating heat and suffocating the murder hornets before they can get their back up troops. We see one, we just have to pile on and start grinding on one another until the murder hornet can’t breathe or vomits and kills itself from revulsion.
- Shoot them. We have a lot of guns, time to use them. You can probably even kill them with potato guns and I helped make one in high school. I think I may be a millionaire from this soon.
- Dance off. Those stupid hornets probably can’t even do the Roger Rabbit.
- Block them on Facebook. Maybe they will go away if we act like they don’t exist.
- We have time to practice wheel kicks at home watching old Van Damme movies. If they come to Ohio, I’m watching Road House on repeat and bouncing those buttholes right back to Brad Wesley’s mansion.