Getting into shape when you are old

Since I have no comedy in the age of the pandemic, I have decided to turn this into a fitness blog. Please don’t look at any recent pictures of me before reading. I have been doing early morning group workouts when children and my body permit and trying to watch what I eat. Here’s what I have learned.

Any time I hear someone in their 20’s opine about how hard it is to get into shape, I want to set them on fire.

I have been neglecting my abs as much as my liver, which is saying something.

I feel pretty good after I workout. The next morning, however, my hamstrings and groin feel like I did a medieval confession on a rack.

My weight loss has slowed down, so I just assume that means I’ve been adding pure muscle. SHUT UP SCALE, IT’S MUSCLE.

My biggest obstacles to getting into better shape are my complete lack of willpower around baked goods, my children’s sleeping habits that are somewhere between a college student and a rooster, and my old, shitty body.

My biggest advantages to getting back into shape are that I’m not technically dead yet, I actually do enjoy running and lifting and I have a phone app that guilt shames me.

Stay tuned for my new series of workout videos; the first one is my ankles and joints popping and cracking for the first ten minutes I walk around in the morning.