Getting back into shape after 40 is basically “I don’t want to be fat and have to buy new clothes.” I can distinctly remember the best shape I was ever in and it was during a summer when I was 20 years old, living on campus in college with almost no one around. I spent about $25 a week in groceries and ran three miles per day six days a week, plus hit the gym. The chances I will do that again are non-existent with kids, but goals are relative when your pants don’t fit, so that’s where I started. Don’t hold your breath for me on the 4 am infomercial.
Here’s some hot weight loss advjice that helped me lose weight and maybe it will help you too!
If your co-workers keep bringing in donuts, punch them or quit! Let’s face it, those donuts are getting eaten, so you have to change your strategy. Be homeless or assault them; that’s the choice.
Don’t eat after midnight…or 7 pm. You’ll turn into a Gremlin…a fat Gremlin at that. In fact, it really helps if you don’t eat after say 3 pm, but I think that’s called an eating disorder.
Exercise helps, but don’t get injured. I joined a 5:30 am workout group and after the 2nd day, my hamstrings were so sore, I couldn’t walk right or jog for five days. I tried to run two days after and had to turn around after 300 yards. AND NO, I DIDN’T STRETCH. STRETCHING IS FOR FLEXIBLE PEOPLE.
Fat is OK, but carbs are the devil…the delicious, savory devil. It’s actually pretty easy to avoid carbs. Just stay away from cake, potatoes, sugar, ice cream, bread, pasta, cookies…you know, all that nasty stuff! Just buy pasted meats in a tube and squirt them down your gullet and you’re all set! Easy peasy!
When all else fails, just get major plastic surgery every two months, because I think it’s like seven dollars or something. You’re all welcome!