I know it sounds crazy, but hear me out. First off, February is spelled dumb, so there’s that. It’s the shortest/longest month of the year and it is evil and needs to be destroyed. It’s cold, you are broke from Christmas and there are no good holiday. Sure Valentine’s Day is great, unless you’re single or forgot a gift, then it’s hell. President’s Day could really be any day. Let’s have it in January.
“But what about Black History Month?” It should be in a normal month anyways, not a short one. Get woke, get rid of February. “But I was born in February?” Want to be older or younger? Feb is gone, it’s all yours to pick a new birthday! “It was my wedding anniversary month!” You made everyone travel during this garbage weather for your wedding? That’s on you, not us. Pick a new month.
Plus how much more sense does it make to have St. Patrick’s Day right before or after Valentine’s Day in March? Take your lover out, get some points built up, then get smashed all day. Other scenario, get blasted, then use V Day to make up for it.
I think of everything, you’re all welcome. While we are at it, get rid of stupid daylight savings, everyone’s excited the sun is still out at 6 pm right now. YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE TO GET PUMPED FOR THE SUN STILL SHINING 10% AT 6 PM.