I had a headline set Saturday in a town I had never performed in. Easy drive, great food and friendly staff. My set went well and I actually remembered to bring my merchandise. There’s two things I hate in comedy (not counting new comics, hecklers…OK, I hate a lot of things, but two about myself): watching/recording my sets and selling merch.
When I first started, I recorded all the time and the quality was garbage. I was doing it with a camera that technically could record, so it looked like a bootleg copy already. I recently went back and watched some clips to find a good five minute one for a festival and ta-da, I don’t have one. I hated the three I found online and the website Rooftop Comedy, that had all my high quality, professionally shot clips went away suddenly last year. NO I DIDN’T BACK ANYTHING UP.
Selling merch sucks too, but you can make some money. You have watch the trap – I dated a girl once that went to a casino and told me, “I won $50!” How much did you gamble? “$100.” Ah, so you lost $50. Merch is like that. Perfect example – I wrote a book over the course of five years. It took six months with the help of my publisher, Paul, to arrange it. I got testimonials from other comics (thanks Bill, Dan and Rick), had cover art done (thanks Laura) and had to pay to have copies made, then shipped out. I don’t sell at cost.
After my show Saturday, I sold three books and four coozies. Not going to buy that private jet, but I’ll take it. A younger couple approached me and the woman said, “How much is your book?” “$15.” She shot a look at her man and began thumbing through it. I saw doubt. “I’ll throw in a coozie if you buy one.” She then proceeded to read almost every chapter title for about 45 seconds. It was uncomfortable. Any other authors you enjoy also do live stand up comedy for you for 45 minutes? No? THEN BUY IT OR BUZZ OFF. I finally began talking to others and she set the book down and left. I guess I should have asked .35 cents for it as I shook a copper cup with a few coins in it. “Alms for the poor, milady?”