This is your blog topic when your little girl gets the flu and the only consolation is watching Snow White and The Seven Dwarfs 143 times. So here goes, from worst to first.
7th – Sneezy. He horks snot rockets all over the place, spreading his diseases or spitting directly on your mug. No debate.
6th – Sleepy. He has flies buzzing around him all the time. Probably smells like yesterday since he passes out before he can shower. Laziest dwarf by far, still better than guy who sprays you with mucus.
5th – Dopey. Other than comic relief, no value. His waggling ears creep me out. My kid’s favorite one, so don’t tell her I typed this.
4th – Bashful. Won’t make an ass of himself. Solid dude, but horrible at making decisions because he doesn’t want to offend anyone. One of my pet peeves.
3rd – Doc. Most muscular dwarf, probably roiding. Also the leader, so probably has a dark lust for power. Not a bad thing.
2nd – Happy. Nicest one, talented musician, fattest dwarf – good wingman to have with you when you go clubbing or whatever you do at the Magic Kingdom.
1st – Grumpy. No flaws. Perfect personality. Got back to beat the witch’s ass the quickest when she gave Snow White the apple. Doesn’t wash his hands only because he’s told to – no one tells Grumpy his business. Plays the long game to win Snow White’s affection. Heart of gold at the end of movie. Plays a mean organ. Probably best poker player and can outdrink other dwarves. Takes all six to overpower him.
Author’s note – please for the love of God, let us watch a different movie tomorrow. Anything. I will watch Doctor Zhivago followed by the English Patient. Anything at all.