“My childhood was better than yours” – the 40 chronicles

One thing I’ve noticed over my years that people love is clickbait articles about stuff from when they were kids, usually along the lines of “we drank from a hose and if you didn’t you’re a pussy.”  Or something like “we didn’t have smartphones, but we ate mud pies, it was amazing.”  I don’t know about all that; I just think people like remembering a time when they didn’t have anything to worry about.  I mean, summer break?  HOLY HELL can you imagine having nothing, and I mean nothing, to do from end of May to late August again?  I don’t give a damn if you ate mud the whole time, that’s incredible.

I guess just to cover the basics, things have definitely changed.  I used to run outside after lunch and not return until the sun went down.  We played wiffleball, rode big wheels (with cutting edge all plastic smooth wheels that couldn’t stop until you were under a moving car) and explored the woods.  Now if my daughter goes outside, I’m right there hovering over her in a fenced in yard or taking position on the back deck with a sniper rifle.

Death trap on a hill

The biggest change in kids now is easily technology.  There were about five channels back then and no DVR, so if you missed a show, it was gone forever.   No iPad apps to keep kids busy at a restaurant (shudders at the thought).  “Only threats of beatings kept me in check!”  Video games are so much better if someone sold me Super Mario Brothers (the original) for $60 now, I’d drive back to Gamestop and punch the clerk in the face.

What was better back then?  Not in the “if you didn’t do this, you’re a wimp” way?  Side note: if you’re raising kids and you feel that way, nice job parenting.  Here’s the quick rundown.

No social media bullying.  No way my kids are getting online for a while, but I got bullied a lot.  I also shoved a bully over a desk and learned to fight back, witty insults went farther than punches…at least until the bully had you cornered, then punches are WAY BETTER.  Too many kids kill themselves now, it is a major problem I think stems from constant ridicule with no break and all the stress we put on kids.  I’m also the type that will full on punch a nine year old that bullies my kids, so watch your ass, Tiffany.

Not as many tests and homework in school.  That’s pretty much all they do now.  Good job telling teachers what to do all day, dumbass politicians.  Anything else you can mess up?  Forget I said that.

You could actually play outside.  Ironic, because now I treat the sun like a vampire half the time.  If I’m outdoors now, it’s because I’m mowing or jogging to keep from buying new pants.

That’s about it; other than that I’m sure childhoods are pretty the same.  If your kid plays video games five hours a day, that’s not the modern society’s problem, it’s yours.  Let’s face it, you saw what they did with our clothes and hair in the 1980’s, it wasn’t that sweet.  I had a spike and a perm one time…at the same time.  Let’s cool it with the Xanadu childhood stuff; it was just great not having four minutes of free time a week.