Young child Chris: “Boy, Christmas will never come!” Adult Chris: “How the f@#! is it December already!”
Kid Chris: “I want new toys!” Old grump Chris: “I want five minutes where no one needs something. FIVE MINUTES.”
Whippersnapper Chris: “Hey! Great grandpa took all my money playing cards!” Midlife crisis Chris: “Do we have any money for food? I just finished buying presents and I think all my cards are maxed.”
Tiny Tim Chris: “God bless us, everyone!” Scrooge Chris: “If this scumbag thinks he’s stealing my parking spot, I’m going to split his lips in front of his wife.”*
*this is all year, in fairness
Whoville kid Chris: “Christmas music is pretty!” Grinch Chris: “Does Megadeth have a Christmas album yet?”
Bright eyed young Chris: “Clothes? Ah man, I hate getting clothes.” Dull eyed old Chris: “Did I get any boxer briefs? My entire crotch is gone from all my underwear except the one where the waistband has no elastic.”
Cherub Chris: “I hope there is candy at Grandma’s!” Fat, not sober fallen angel Chris: “NO MORE COOKIES, I’M A FAT LUMP. Ooh! Scotch!”
Kid Chris: “This a magical time of year.” Has kids Chris: “The kids better enjoy this magical shit!”
