We (my wife, daughter and I – no word from the dog or cat yet) would like to introduce baby #2 in the Coen hacienda, Jackson Grant Coen. We are very excited and very tired. Really tired, but my hulk baby son is healthy and running the show.
We actually didn’t wait around this time, my daughter was almost a week late and my wife likes being pregnant about as much as I like being sober, so she was induced early this time. For anyone without kids, an induction is the polar opposite from the movies. In the movies, some lady’s water breaks at a wedding, or work, or the grocery store, and a Benny Hill scramble, followed by a high speed car scene ensues. An induction is where they start an IV and every 25 minutes someone tells you nothing is changing for about 10 hours. BUT OH WHEN SOMETHING DOES ACTUALLY START LOOK THE HELL OUT.
He was delivered at 9 pounds, 3 ounces, so the same size as his sister. I have really fat sperm, apparently. Everything was good, only five fingers, unlike Obama’s portrait, and this time my wife actually got to eat. Well, the food she ordered never showed up, because why would a hospital actually want a woman that pushed out a behemoth after not eating for 12 hours need nourishment? I got Wendy’s. Side note to Wendy’s – why is the guy at the counter wearing a weed ring and a hat that says, “DON’T GIVE A SHIT” on the front, under the bill and on the back? Might want to move him to the back. I didn’t even need to use my business degree there; just a little common sense.
We named him Jackson after his grandpa, who lost his fight with cancer during the pregnancy. We are very proud to honor Jack in this way and know he will be looking out for our little man as he begins his journey. My wife and I had a really hard time with boy’s names, mostly because I hung out with so many scumbags over the years. She would say, “What about _____?” I would grind the gears in my head and realize ______ suckerpunched someone or stole a car or spilled a beer on my N64 back in the day. So Jackson Grant it is, plus a lot of people think it’s a Civil War general reference. If it were, Stonewall Jackson and Ulysses S. Grant were good ones, plus Stonewall Unconditional Surrender Coen is a pretty badass nickname.