Every time I rent a car, the car rental place calls me and asks if I’m happy with the car. While I’m still driving it. If I wasn’t you people would know. Does it run? Does it have A/C? I’m probably going to make it. How about you give me a full tank of gas every once in a great while? That would be nice, not having to fill up 32 miles after I get it.
Blanket statements condemning blanket statements. Here’s how these work – “I can’t believe that people say ______ are ________. It’s obvious that _______ is/are the real problem.” This is about 40% of my Facebook feed after every major or minor incident and also, why I generally want to slap 40% of America.
Small talkers. I flew to the bank after work to get some important transfers in on a time sensitive transaction. Only rep could help me. I sat patiently and overheard the one guy holding me up. Apparently, he didn’t know how checks or the internet worked. The rep was very patient (I wasn’t) and tried her best to explain how money worked and how he could monitor it. The guy was in his 50’s, by the way. After 20 minutes, he started talking about his house and the post office and I began to look for things in the bank with which to bludgeon him to death, as they were closing. The rep finally got him along and said to me, “Sorry, he was a bit of a talker.” “Yes, I could tell. Apparently, he has nothing useful to do, unlike the rest of the Earth.” She smirked the smirk of an employee that wanted to say more, but didn’t want to be fired.
I’m adding small talk with people in line behind you to my criminal justice reform platform for 2020. 1) People that leave more than two bad Yelp reviews in a year are to be executed. 2) People that small talk with a line behind them are to be fitted with a muzzle for a week for every minute of small talk; if at closing time, a month for each minute. 3) People that send emails, then call right after they send the email are to sent to the moon to mine ores for 20 years of hard labor.