• Oh God, shut the hell up

    Posted by on September 15, 2017

    The title is what goes through my head every 14 seconds normally, but even more when I watch one of those house finder shows.  The premise is the same each time; couple looking for houses and one wants something stupid and the other wants something dumber.  Here’s some examples that were on while I was picking up my daughter’s toys, which she promptly dumps on the ground immediately after I pick them up, much like Tantalus from Greek mythology.  For his crimes, every time he reached for fruit, the tree bent just out of reach.  That’s how it is picking up after a toddler.

    One couple was moving to Spain after they fell in love with a town there.  The woman was all about “being right in the action!”  She was 60.  What “action” is there at 60.  Going to run down to the techno club at midnight and rip some lines?  Enough with the “action” – yuck.

    The next one the couple was 100% focused on two sinks in the craproom.  I can tell you, I don’t want to be anywhere near my wife when she’s getting ready.  She feels the same about me.  I think we can take the extra four minutes and have one sink.  I don’t need to play, “Is that another damn back hair?” while someone is standing next to me judging me.

    Then there’s the ol’ “WE HAVE, I MEAN HAVE, TO HAVE A HUGE KITCHEN!” people.  I hate these people most.  Another couple had no kids and we relentlessly talking about needed more counter space and a huge island and a wine rack and…there’s two of you.  You need an oven, a fridge and a sink.  You’ll be OK.  I’m sure the actual three times a month you “cook” by tossing a frozen casserole in the oven or make those enormous meals for two anorexic adults that take up three inches of counter space will be OK, especially when you cook a meal once every 3 weeks.

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