Monday night, I had a show at the Columbus Funny Bone called the Last Realtor Standing, where five realtors get paired up with comedians to try comedy for the first time. A series of emails went around culminating in me getting matched up and arranging a meeting with my protege. I ended up meeting him at a dive bar, when I walked in, he was eating pizza and drinking at 4 pm. It was like staring into the future. I was happy because he had done a ton of writing already, so I was able to pare down the material and organize it. There were a lot of references to body parts and functions away we went, organizing, cutting and crafting an ideal set. After an hour, I felt pretty good with his jokes.
I then focused on stage presence, timing, making a cheat sheet for the stage and practice, practice, practice. I think the number one most underrated part of comedy is preparation. If you don’t know your material, it doesn’t matter what do onstage, you’ll sound unprepared. I checked in to make sure on gameday and he sent me a list, which was waaaaayyyyy different that the set we talked about. Oh well, nothing to do now!
The show went well for all and we were closing. I brought him up with a crack about were and how we met and he took the stage. He brought up a bucket (it was never used, not sure where that fit in) and went totally off-script. He had a woman in the front monitor his time and asked her to flash him when his time was up and kept checking with her until she stood up and fake flashed him. The crowd loved it. He actually had really good timing and stage presence, although I had literally no idea what he was going to talk about. He mentioned a white sheet (crowd gasps) that lead a story about him trying to scare the horses on his farm and getting kicked in the head (that’s why we got matched up, I see). Horses don’t like Casper. Then he did a series of jokes referring to his package. After a series of crowd work jokes, he then ultimately did a head stand (he’s probably 20 years my senior) and ripped his shirt off, whipping it into the crowd, exiting the stage shirtless to raucous applause.
I had to follow the shirt removal, but it went very well and then we had a grand clap off. He sealed it when he repeated the head stand and clapped with his feet for himself. We were champions…or something.
So I had coached a winner, who did exactly one joke that we talked about (as a throwaway line). The lesson, apparently, is to do exactly the opposite of what I say and you will win. I saw my student from two years ago also and she congratulated me – I wanted to tell her she should have done a headstand and fired her top into the crowd, but alas, it was two years too late. Well, maybe I’m not the greatest coach, but I am a winner, thanks to Bill Briggs and I’ll have this toilet seat picture for all times, just like I dreamed about as a young boy. Great job, Bill, you are the Last Realtor Standing, aka the shit, and I’m working on headstands now for my new closer.